Many of us instinctively run from people and situations that make us feel uncomfortable. You may know someone who cringes at the thought of making decisions, fearing not being able to control the results. Would you rather 'grin and bear it' than admit someone displeases you and initiate conflict?  If you lie to yourself and others, this could bring on guilt and fear of telling the truth. What kind of price do you think you would pay for telling the truth and facing the music?

You eat a meal your partner cooks and compliment him even though you dislike it.  You continue this approval into courtship and marriage, and lying makes you feel worse and worse inside. Yet, you fear that by telling him so many years later, that he won't be able to trust you anymore. 

You eagerly ask your boss for a heavier workload when you already feel quite overwhelmed. You express your desire to be considered for the upcoming promotion. As it turns out, you don't get it because you're perceived as pushy and you prove unable to complete the tasks you requested.

You offer unconditional love and approval in a friendship and receive only resentment or lack of reciprocity.  By not questioning desires and needs, people can misunderstand each other and evolve to seek love and approval wherever they can find it.  Sometimes, not offering what your friend wants is the beginning to showing this person understand what you need.

You assess everything you do for people in your life as having invisible exchange value. You measure love, gestures and other kinds of attention given and received.  You withdraw emotions and attention from anyone you secretly wish would give more to you. Why the hidden agenda?

Life experience can help you learn the difference between expressing love and appreciation  without imposing your personal desires with ultimatums.  

"Nobody did or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices." -Alfred A. Montapert