It may not always be clear, but we always have choices about how to respond to what is going on around us and also to what is being directed towards us. Being open to explore our own role in the dynamic is important also. Breathwork often sheds light into our beliefs and patterns so we can change what we outgrow. Consider these 5 tips to reframe rejection and criticism;
1. Do not take things personally
Don Miguel Ruiz expands on this in a fabulous book entitled, The Four Agreements. When criticized, do not allow criticism or rejection to trigger emotions. We can respond with "thanks for sharing that..." or, "I am happy to discuss things calmly with you when I do not feel attacked," or, " Would you like to rephrase that?" If the person is unwilling, turn attention away, leave the room and refuse to channel energy into this. (Differs from withdrawing in silence)
2. Ask the individual to repeat the negative comment
In many cases, the individual will not repeat it as s/he knows we are onto their game. If the individual does repeat the criticism, we can respond, 'we are not sure we heard that correctly.' Please repeat that... [or #3]
3. Say directly, "Sounds like you wish me to feel badly about myself..."
The individual may say no, no no, just offering constructive criticism or, yes I am! You are a _____! ect. This is an opportunity to take a deep breath and say to yourself "I am not my body, not my mind, not my emotions, not any name someone would like me to believe." (Conscious living is about knowing we have a choice about what to believe and how to feel)
4. Say, "You can say what you like, but I am not choosing to let that in. "
This would not be stated in a way to taunt someone on or nudge them into an argument. It is simply a way of standing our ground. (To ourselves, we can say. 'I am a confident person who is worthy, talents. We must also realize that the way we are being treated is reflecting how we feel about ourselves inside. If we want external behaviour of others toward us to change, we must be willing to take steps to explore how and why we feel about ourselves.)
5. "Say, " did you know critical people reserve the harshest criticism for themselves?
In fact, every instance we criticize others, we are actually making a statement about our own discomfort, pain, fear or inadequacy. Whenever we criticize others, we are actually relfecting how dissatisfied we are with ourselves? That is a shame. We need not be mean or harsh. We can simply choose to be strong by loving ourselves enough not to be affected by false information. Loving and accepting ourselves fully means we love others enough to show them love rather than reacting in fear. This is done though an open heart.