During childhood, sometimes certain of our behaviours are judged as unacceptable. As the result, we are conditioned to fear the consequences of re-enacting them. Deep down, we develop core beliefs that certain natural responses are bad, wrong or dangerous, and we banish or repress emotions we judge in ourselves rather than allow them to flow.
If tense muscles and recurrent discomfort in different parts of the body are familliar, there may be more to this than initially imagined. As we grow more conscious and search through our feelings, it hits anything we attempt to hide or disown in our subconscious silently drives the dynamics of our present. Reflect on 4 steps to begin owning disowned anger:
1. Accept feeling anger is okay
Some kids are taught anger and negative emotions are bad and to be avoided. We disown emotions as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves from harm or backlash. Anger may be something we hide from or, it may be a healthy part. Anger is a very common disowned part and deserves attention like all emotions.
2. Recognize the implications
If we disown our anger (or another part of ourselves), it helps to know why we do this as well as the implications. In the case of disowned anger, we may also lack assertiveness.Our strength (healthy aggression) also gets disowned along with anger. We may feel unheard in areas of our lives, belittled, not taken seriously, may be perceived as passive, pleasing, self-effacing, or lacking in self-confidence and drive.
3. Validate all emotions
As we validate all emotions, express them when we feel them, this helps accept anger or another part of us that has been disowned. We make ourselves what we are. When we love all parts of ourselves, we believe in ourselves and other people naturally believe in, hear and validate us. Self-validation is a step to allowing ourselves to change, blossom and share more of our gifts with perfect timing.
4. Develop healthy ways to express intense energy
The more allow ourselves to express intense energy in healthy ways like tantrums, the more we speak our truth, stand up for ourselves in the moment, the more we stand in our power. This involves creating healthy boundaries. The ability to be firm, take risks, be grounded, allows us to feel more alive. As we express how we feel, our inner strength is activated. Thus, anger rarely arises because we call on our healthy sense of power, forcefulness, and set limits to handle situations. It hits we can be strong and assertive without frightening or harming others.