Catalyst for positive change

What would it require for you to take a hard look at where you are and in which direction your life is heading?  What kind of experience would you need to wake up to who you really are?

One friend of mine was in an relationship for nine years before she realized the challenges she faced were blessings in disguise.  The more aware she became that her needs weren't being met, the more she realized things had to change, but she didn't like the idea of being alone.  She tolerated discomfort until she decided it was time to take responsibility for her own happiness.  The last straw was when her former boyfriend bought a motorbike rather than an engagement ring.  This was her catalyst for positive change.  She moved on to meet another man who listened, valued and respected her to make her feel appreciated.  When she was ready, she invited this new partner into her life.  Healing occurred when she listened to her feelings.

I remember an uncomfortable job transition.  I chose to dress professionally and treat clients and fellow staff with respect.  Yet, fellow employees were sloppy. Some of their lazy behavior reflected low motivation or self-respect.  Management didn't set high standards and few people are pleased if a visitor 'raises the bar.'  Looking back, I sense seeing me was likely unsettling.  It was like forcing peers to look in the mirror and face things that made them feel uncomfortable about themselves. This former job also reminded me that I'm only to blame if I feel stuck in an unsatisfying situation.  As I felt healthier, I attracted colleagues into my life with other standards and work ethics.  They enabled me to create more suitable professional opportunities and then, to move on.

At my 10 year high school reunion, some old friends didn't recognize me. To them, I had really changed.  I had been away to school, lost weight, grown up and matured through life experience.  I felt I still had a long way to go and much to learn, but I sensed I had outgrown my roots.  I wore different clothes and felt comfortable with my evolving self.  I had already set in motion a gradual awakening that is still guiding my life journey.  Apparently, my inner joy was visible. 

What was especially poignant about this reunion was meeting a girlfriend I hadn't seen for a time.  She had always been a horse-lover. I learned she had been living with her local boyfriend who was a dairyfarmer.  On the surface, this sounded great.  I'd never met him, but he sounded 'outdoorsy' like her.  Only, weeks later, I received a letter from her telling me she'd left the dairyfarmer and moved to Germany.  She realized that in order to live a more fulfilling life, she had to step out of the corner she had painted herself into.  Seeing me again and learning about my life experience caused her to accept that she had been lying to herself. When she opened herself up, she stepped out of her rut  and created a life that excited her.  Soon after her move, embracing a new language and job, she met the man who would become her plumber husband.  I heard they were married in a barn.  Recently, they also bought a horse. 

In reflecting on my own moments of truth, I suppose I trigger revelations when I feel uncomfortable.  When I begin to feel I'm living some experience that seems like someone else's life instead of my own, I realize I need to separate myself from the expectations of others.  I remind myself I'm always surrounded by choices to seize opportunities.  I have options to expand and challenge who I am or accept what other people think I should be.  I'm thankful that my will to forge ahead is much stronger than my fear of change. 

Real or exaggerated risks?

How do you determine whether taking a risk is warranted? With so many influences to skew our perception, it can be difficult to decide what action is justified. Your emotions influence your point of view.  Your mind has an opinion.  Your friends and family will offer their two cents. People you don't know may even offer you advice.  Then, the media and your imagination will paint pictures as well. Whom do you believe? How do you decipher or measure the true risk?

In November 2006, Time Magazine published an article that explained  "our emotions overtake our reasoning [and] we worry about sensational events which are statistically unlikely to harm us — such as airline disasters, shark attacks, or terrorism — rather than everyday dangers that kill thousands." Our emotions guide us to decide whether we should take or cancel that annual trip, get into a car and drive on a busy highway, or risk taking a new nuclear reactor job when life-threatening dangers appear to be a real possibility. 

John Graham, who spent four years as administrator of the federal Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs, says "People's capacity to visualize a risk is an important part of the attention they give to it. "  Consider the fear factor that causes many people to worry about the level of terorist threat.  What does a scale of 5 colors about the intensity of terrorist threats mean to the general public? Red is supposedly more serious on the scale than yellow or orange but what do such colors measure or control other than human anxiety? Its up to each of us to decide.

The biggest risks

The biggest risks you'd be willing to take would likely depend on what you have at the start, what you already have that you would be willing to lose.  Your sense of responsibility where you are, as well as your priorities would influence whether you'd move, who you'd take with you and what your expectations would be.  Your motivations to take risks can grow from deep inside.

Consider a family from one country who decides to pull up stakes and immigrate to another one.  This family may do so with the hope of creating a better life for themselves.  If they leave behind what they know in order to embrace a new language, climate, cultural traditions, job, new people and government systems, then this would appear to be a huge risk.  At the same time, the potential benefits of preferred school, work, security and could incentives could be worth it.  Note how boats of refugees make the trips to Western countries to take their chances.

On Australia day (January 26, 2007), 96 individuals from 30 countries became Australian citizens in Melbourne.  Their symbolic participation in a national ceremony demonstrated they had adopted the burnt country as their new home.  Indiviuals feel it is a safe place to raise children.

New immigrants promise to work within and respect Australian laws.  They bring their own customs and belief systems that can enrich local culture.  They choose either to integrate or to create cultural communities within Australia.  When immigrants wish to live in a new country according to laws and customs of their former country, this can lead to internal conflicts. 

Is make-believe fantasy risky?

Western society appears to be making progress in teaching children to be less violent.  Some psychologists argue that children's violent fantasies are helping them to work through violent feelings and accomplish just that.  All-the-while, violent fantasies, available in media and other entertainment, put children at odds with ideas adults have struggled with for centuries. 

Symbolic violence has long held an accepted place in human cultures.  Generations of children fell asleep listening to gory fairytales which were suddenly censored by modern society into feel-good stories with happy endings.  Kids went from being expected to carry toy weapons as signs of strength, glory and accessible self-defence, to being told to stop playing war.  At the same time, images of war surround us in the media and real life conflict. What truth should society be teaching?

The popularity of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series of books and more recently, Christopher Paolini's Eragon and Eldest dragon series, are a testament to the hunger of children and adults to experience violence and danger in order that they may be challenged to devise solutions.  Where resolutions to problems aren't found, at least characters generally can't say they never tried.

Be an Explorer

To devise and develop new ideas, you need information to draw from; feelings and experience.  How do you obtain emotional knowledge? You can search in the same old places.  You can speak withe same people you always have.  You can re-read books you have read before. Yet, you're much more likely to find original gems if you head 'off the beaten path.'  Take a chance.  Step outside your area of expertise.  Reach out to meet people. You'll make new kinds of discoveries.  You can apply what you learn to other areas of your life. 

A resourceful explorer has the attitude that answers to your dilemmas are always available.  It's simply a matter of taking steps to investigate, perceive differently and find what you need.  Open your mind to people, places and things that have no apparent connection to the problem you seek to solve.  The more diverse your approaches, the more unique your suggestions will turn out to  be.   If you've never gone in a particular direction looking for answers, you'll be surprised at what you till discover there.