Success 101

Today, I accompanied a friend to visit her great aunt in a rehabilitation centre.  She recently had a fall in her own home and is working to get her strength back to regain her independence. This great aunt is nearly 101. She has a lot of spunk and clearly has her own ideas about longevity. She spoke to me about how she would walk miles into town every day even when she was well into her 70s.  This reflected her desire to keep healthy, and to continue to challenge herself.

I think about how her attitude and plans to live a meaningful life shape her sense of success.  This is not the traditional success we think about that brings thoughts of money, fame or other kinds of prosperity. Instead, this success relates to a sense of accomplishment at different life phases. How we feel about ourselves reminds us to be grateful we have the strength and will to get up in the morning. Remind yourself how many people can not longer take that for granted. Success could mean having the ability to define the life you wish to lead and actually doing it.

Some cultures don't like the idea of retirement or nursing homes. On a personal level, we don't necessarily like placing family members in such facilities. Imagine how older relatives might feel. Imagine how you would feel if you were placed in such a place and were unable to function menatlly, physically, emotionally as you one did. Would this contribute to your sense of failure?  Perhaps success is far more intimate than we might've realized.  It may be less an idea imposed by people around us than how compatible our real abilities are with our own expectations.

Ethical Dilemma for Yellow Emporer

Today, I thought I would share a fable.  Since success is often linked to balance, I invite you to consider a discussion between the Yellow Emporer, Shih Huang Ti, and his Chief Minister, Qi Bo.

"Why is it that people nowadays (2700 BC) do not live as long as they used to and what can be done about it?"

Qi Bo replied, "This is in part because in the past, people practised the Tao, which is the way of life.  They appreciated the principle of balance in all things, of the flow of yin and yang, of the ceaseless, eternal transformation of the universe." 

"I see," said the Yellow Emporer.

"But 'these days," continued Qi Bo, in one of the earliest pieces of medical advice recorded, "people have changed their way of life.  They drink wine as though it were water, indulge in destructive activities, drain their jing [the body's essence, centered on the kidneys] and they deplete their qi [life energy].  They do not know the secret of conserving their qi or their vitality.  Seeking emotional excitement and monetary pleasures, people disregard the natural rhythm and order of the universe.  They fail to regulate their lifestyle and diet and sleep improperly.  So its not surprising that instead of living well over a hundred years they look old at fifty and die soon after."

The Yellow Emporer was left to think about this.  He pondered the problem concerning life experience.  He felt this was something he rarely had before he needed to reflect back on it.

Success begins inside yourself

Many people talk about success.   Some people offer step-by-step models and invite you to follow their lead.  Other people offer courses, podcasts, CD-Roms and DVDs to give you insight into their personal triumphs. You can find books about people who have achieved their goals and call this success.  What does all this mean to you? Maybe it gets you excited about doing something new.  Maybe it makes you feel you're not yet where you wish to be. Maybe you don't have a plan to develop or distinguish yourself.

Its important to recognize that if you don't yet have a clear idea what success would mean to you, the only person who could change how you perceive and understand success is you.  For you, perhaps success relates less to the idea of finishing a task than to the process and what you learn about yourself as you prioritize the plans to get there.  As you convert the goal into steps, you would also benefit from listing obstacles that you think hold you back.   Consider mentors or other people who could potentially assist you to overcome these obstacles. You may also have your own revelations. 

Once you create a vision of what you seek, you need to find ways to motivate yourself to make it happen.  Psychology suggests that you are most likely to be motivated by a) feelings of yearning b) fear of loss and c) the desire to love and be loved.  As you clarify your notions of success, and begin to identify how you could measure results, focus on what you will gain and how this will enrich your life.

Superachiever Steven K. Scott has come to expect criticism, problems and failures.  Rather than become defensive, make excuses or rationalize failures, he accepts responsibility for results of his efforts, he retraces his steps to recognize what he could do differently, and he takes a new approach based on wisdom.  He reminds us that no worthwhile success in any endeavour is ever achieved without encountering adveristy.

"The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done." -Mother Teresa