Uncover the real explanation
Monday, January 21, 2008 at 8:17PM I know a divorced man who searches for his dream partner. By choice, he has repeatedly dated women who don't seem to meet his ideals. His pattern has been to see multiple women at the same time because he fears the one he starts out with won't work out. Just as he predicted, things fell apart. The others broke it off as well, after learning that he hadn't been loyal, honest, trustworthy or faithful.
Whatever the nature of your personal life, your self-image is conveyed in your thoughts and behaviors with others. You do this consciously and subconsciously. Your true feelings will be mirrored back at you by your dates or partner(s). You may seek to avoid relationship failures yet, still invite them in. Its never too late to learn what it takes to develop your faith, renewed courage, confidence and self-love.
1) Stop assuming the worst. The Law of Attraction tells you that you will get exactly what you wish for. Buying into fear of inadequacy, unworthiness and rejection will invite what you don't want. You may need to work through unresolved, emotional wounds to let go of the past. You're never upset for the reasons you assume.
2) Address honestly your ego-based beliefs. You may feel confused about your results or the reality of what minimum success you permit yourself. Rather than sense break-ups are evidence of your faults and weaknesses, or evidence of you as victim, choose instead to examine parts of yourself that are willingly given or withheld. Facts are non-emotional. What you give is what you get. Your soul echoes its safe to give all of you. Yet, caution doesn't mean you can't open your heart. You only fear intimacy until you stop fearing your own vulnerability.
3) Identify what you desire to manifest. Superficial appearances aren't what your soul truly craves. If you believed you deserved a joyful, loving relationship, you would have one. If you believed you had "the right stuff," then the compatible person would arrive. If you don't feel you're ready, it implies you may be risk-averse or fear commitment. Learn about what makes you tick and what you can do to attract that.
Reader Comments (2)
I like your analogy. Every human is a child at heart; fearless, unconditionally loving, tolerant and full of understanding. Notice the innocence of newborns. External conditioning teaches kids they have reason to worry, they should distinguish between right and wrong, they must be wary of others, and let emotions control them. You may sense that as kids grow, their minds change, and their trust of everyone wanes. They begin to imagine limits and anticipate problems. Loss of innocence influences us all. Our thoughts and perception evolve with us.
When adults embark on a relationship, a common reaction is to gradually confide intimate parts of the self. Reactions are based on levels of discomfort, fear, based on hurtful experiences, and whether people have learned to let go of the past which defines them. At some point, a person begins to think, "What if I make the same mistakes again? What if the other person dumps me?" If you have experienced betrayal, if you believe someone has caused you grief, you can learn to rise above it.
The key is to be aware of how you feel and to realize emotions don't have to control your behavior. You can learn to consistently choose thoughts that allow you to experience the emotion of relief. You can learn to detach yourself from when or how your lingering emotional healing will end. If a person deliberately avoids dwelling on uncomfortable issues of the past, then that person can also discover thoughts and feelings can be changed. Bring yourself into alignment with what you want. It begins in your mind. Ignoring what bothers you deep inside will prevent you from moving ahead and living more fulfilling relationships. Courage is always within reach.