5 Lessons from the Courage to be Disliked

Books that appear in our scope are guides on our path to greater fulfillment.Everything can be viewed as a teacher with a message when we are open to it.  Many people  list favorite spiritual books and such lists are often changing.

The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga  is a book full of surprising lessons.  I read it in the airport recently while awaiting a connection. Its conversational style is engaging yet requires paying attention to keep track of changing points of view. Millions of copies sold in Asia already, reading the English translation invites discovery of why its popularity is growing. When ready, readers of Kishimi and Koga's book are invited to grow aware of their own reflections and projections.

It is like a modern take on Shunryu Suzuki's Zen Mind that incorporates what Fumitake Koga describes as "the shock value of Adlerian psychology." Alfred Adler was an Austrian medical doctor, psychotherapist, and founder of the school of "Individual Psychology." Adler viewed human beings as an individual whole. Along with Freud and Jung, Adler is viewed as one of three highly influential minds of psychology of the 19th century.

In a nutshell, the book unfolds through exchanges between a philosopher and student. The philosopher explains to his pupil how each human being exists to determine our own life, free from the limits of past experiences, doubts, and the expectations of others. The book invites readers reflect on what is deeply liberating, on what or whom allows us to reach inside ourselves to find the courage to change.  It is set up to invite readers to see through self-created limitations other people seem to place on us. Ponder these five lessons that stand out:

1. Accept you cannot please everyone

To say yes to everything and everyone, is setting yourself up for a fall. To be true to yourself means accepting how you feel, expressing your truth and accepting everyone is not going to agree with you or see the world in the same way you do. Agree to disagree and life is then much simpler.

2. Discover all relationship problems mirror inner conflict

The view offered is that we create relationships as a means to get to know ourselves.  This problems we think we have with others point to our unconscious resistance to accepting parts of our shadow.

3. See that seeking recognition is an ego trap

Instead of seeking recognition, pinpoint why you do not recognize yourself as you are, why you resists recognizing and celebrating what you have already achieved, or why you resist giving yourself recognition.

4. Discard other people's tasks

You are taught to live according to other people's views, desires, direction and percpetion of life pupose and experiences. Turns out, stepping back and recognizing who and what you truly live for is a thought-provoking and potentially life-transforming journey.

5. Trusting yourself and being confident are not the same

Feeling inferior or superior, making choices in life to reinforce related unconscious beliefs are stepping stones to growing aware of the bigger game that you are playing. No valid excuse exists for hiding from truth.  You only begin to see through and dismantle smokescreens when the ego becomes a friend and teacher. 

Interview with Barbara Pease

Barbara, it is a pleasure to connect with you again here.  Years ago, during another stage of my life, I had the privilege of attending a few of your corporate keynotes with Allan. I sincerely enjoyed your humour and the way you both so effectively shared insights the audience could relate to. You have this amazing ability to understand fears, and put them in perspective in ways that are educational and entertaining. To be in the presence of your energy is eye-opening, thought-provoking and empowering. Thus, you are a perfect addition for the inspirational mentors area of this Blog.

I love how you are so approachable and down-to-Earth in-person, that your stories feel so genuine and engaging and that being near you enables people to feel more comfortable laughing at themselves.  It is no surprise that you and Allan are internationally renowned, best-selling authors. The Definitive Book of Body Language and Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps are two of my favourites. I love all the ones I have read. To your credit, you share an impressive 18 best-sellers, including 10 number ones and more than 27 million books sold. Thank you for all you do to encourage others and to enrich the world. Now on to this interview. Let us see where it takes us...

Society and our peers engrain ideas about success and expectations.  We each come into struggle, turmoil, and places we do not wish to go.  Tremendous changes are taking place.  We do not always know where to turn, or how to respond with confidence. 

Please share why you chose to write and publish The Answer, how it stands apart from your other books, who is your intended reader and why it is empowering?

Our other books are about how to be a better communicator, how to be a people magnet and how to build rewarding relationships.  But after many years in the speaking business, meeting and talking to people everywhere, The Answer came to life as a book to teach people how to discover what they are passionate about and then how to achieve it.  Many people believe they know how to achieve success but most never seem to move forward with their lives.  This is usually not from lack of trying, but from not having the right system to move forward and to effectively set the goals they really want.  

So, you tell your readers, here is The Answer: "Life is a game and here are the rules." 

From an early age most people are conditioned to please others instead of themselves.  As adults, this often translates into being stuck in a job they don’t like or with a partner they no longer connect with because they’re often listening to the opinions of others and end up doing what society, family or friends expect of them, rather than marching to their own drum. 

Your insight is such encouragement for us all to participate more whole-heartedly in life, yet not for the purpose of using life experience to avoid ourselves.  It sounds like an invitation to notice our own resistance and let it pass through.  Its like when you relax, little bits of pain and tightness are released, and we let the creative music in. It is said that true greatness and transformation hide beyond pain.  As we open our eyes and wake up, so much more exists to each of us that what we are taught.  How does your book help people see their true colors?

The amazing feedback and stories we’ve received from readers around the world is testament to the powerful and life-changing techniques in The Answer. We’ve had readers writing to us from Moscow to Paris, to Quebec, Tehran and Sydney sharing their stories about how they’re now moving in new directions with their lives and finally doing what they really want to do.

That is powerful confirmation you are right on track with your desire to move forward and still guide people to recognize and let go of their comfort zones. We can devote life to staying with the familliar or, explore 'what ifs,' step boldly into the unknown, expand into more of ourselves. We only experience more of what is available without mental boundaries. We must see and transcend our own.

This said, the Self-help book industry is huge.  Many say everything that can be said in this genre already has been.  This said, new books are still being written, released and also becoming best-sellers. Your book The Answer, has been called “ground-breaking” and a category killer”.  How do you feel about this and the impact this book is making? What enables it to stand out?

We have always written our books for everyday people. We write in a straight-forward, no nonsense and humorous way. We do this intentionally because humour is an important tool that helps people absorb and remember information. The Answer pulls together most of the ideas and strategies people may already know, for example, The Law of Attraction, The Universe, Goal- setting, Prayer, the Yin & Yan and so on. We then tie it all together with the science of the brain to explain why and how these things work. The Answer  gets enormous results from our male readers who are sceptical of concepts like The Law of Attraction – men demand evidence and The Answer provides it. The Answer gives scientific proof then shows the reader how to achieve anything they want. 

The human mind fears uncertainty and resists pain.  From a young age, we explore questions to shift focus away from the mental cage created by our fear and discomfort. Curiously, answers we come up with do not always help realize dreams.  As what you teach nipping fear in the bud, readers may be astonished or, find it no wonder your monthly relationship column has over 20 million readers in 25 countries. Many people seek advice to equip them to deal with what arises.

Turns out, when the going gets tough, people come face-to-face with big questions. You say participants of your seminars have had their lives changed by your teachings, that your simple but powerful skills help you deal effectively with almost everything that happens. What about dilemmas that trigger insecurity,  health issues, stress us about the biological clock, and fear of mortality?  What insight does The Answer offer to deal with really tough situations?

We share how we have used the techniques in The  Answer to produce our IVF children, to overcome depression, fight cancer and many other areas of our own lives.  The techniques revealed in The Answer are simple and practical - not always easy, but simple - and show how when you have the belief you can achieve anything you want – you can!

Accessible, easy-reading books like yours help people feel better equipped to deal with what life throws. Reminds me of the reach of the Original Chicken Soup for the Soul compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.  It contains of course inspirational stories that help people find courage to overcome adversity. Although your books are more instructive, readers of your books and these relate and imagine their own triumphs. You have to nurture a dream before you can manifest it.  

Now, love the term Easy Peas-y, often used to refer to how you view and respond to challenges. As the single most best-selling female author in Australia with 14 best-sellers to your credit, what advice do you offer aspiring authors? Is writing something you always wanted to do or did the writing career happen unexpectedly? If you could rewind or fast-forward your life, anything you would change? 

Growing up in Central Queensland, I never thought of myself as a writer but as a person who had been given the gift of being able to teach people on all levels and to make people feel valued and important.  So when I met Allan he was already an author and he saw in me what I never saw in myself - that I had a talent to offer the female perspective in our books and to reach people globally from all walks of life. We have always worked as a team on our books so that they have a balanced male and female perspective. In my life I have 6 children and 8 grandchildren that I adore. I exercise 6 days a week and live in Buderim on the beautiful Sunshine Coast. Allan and I practice what we preach. We decide what we want in our lives and work every day toward our goals. Right now, we are building a community of people who we have worked with at our weekend events… and I wouldn’t change a thing! I love my life and I am constantly excited about what can happen in the future.  Allan and I learn and grow together and create amazing life goals that keep us moving forward.

The process of moving forward is indeed energizing.  We can move in so many directions. What is possible begins to expand based on our choice to cross paths and interact more often with people on a similar wavelength. The idea of creating a community of like-minded people who connect, support and encourage each other strikes me as a model with staying power. Love others as you love yourself and the universe responds by moving mountains.   We help each other and like the movie, Pay it forward. This is true freedom. 

Speaking on a practical level, what you have seen in practice during your workshops and events since The Answer was released? Is this impact meeting your expectations? How is your vision for the book changing with the changing consciousness of the planet?

We have just completed the 5th of our new VIP Weekends at our rainforest property on the Sunshine Coast.  On these weekends, we coach up to 30 delegates to discover their true potential and to pursue their dreams. When Allan and I began to write The Answer, we hadn’t conceived the VIP Weekends yet, but once we set our RAS and decided that The Answer would be life-changing to our readers, amazing opportunities started to appear to us. That’s how the RAS works! 

We’ve since had the privilege of meeting hundreds of people through these VIP weekends and we are always excited to hear how their lives have evolved after they’ve attended the VIP Weekend.  

It is indeed exciting to follow up and see how exchanges of energy are affecting the dynamic field of awareness. As talented singer-songwriter Grace Vanderwaal reminds us, So much More exists as we listen deeply to ourselves.  It is what it is.

The examples you share helps us start seeing beyond individual people and stories, and the darkness that keeps chasing us.   We begin to see the power of where and how we are focusing our consciousness. Very cool revelations arise.  We see how others interpret behaviour and movement based on what we hold in our minds and the blocks that funnel energy toward more subtle bodily actions and activities.

You say in The Answer, “The reason most people don’t accomplish much or have much in their lives is because they haven’t decided what they want.” You also tell readers to, “Expect and plan for people, and things to try and slow you down.”  What advice can you offer people who do set goals, write ideas down, yet feel discouraged by encountering repeated roadblocks to manifesting or somehow hold themselves back from realizing goals? Please offer an example of a few cases where people managed to turn their lives around.

I received an email yesterday from a couple who came to our VIP weekend last year. At the time, they were stuck financially and emotionally in past failures. They had a dream to move to France but they didn’t have the belief  they could do it. They emailed us from France… their RAS had found their way forward and they are now living there and loving it!  Another of our delegates from our first VIP Weekend a year ago set a goal of becoming a net millionaire – from a zero start -by age 50.  He told us this week he had just achieved this goal – 3 weeks before his 50^th!

For many people, following through on their plans can be the hardest part of the goal-getting process. You’ve set a specific goal, you’ve written a plan with a deadline, and now you are announcing it to the world. But suddenly you find a flood of people – especially relatives and friends – trying to talk you out of it. Decide right now that you will not listen to these people.  We are not saying that you should be reckless or take unnecessary risks – every choice you make to move forward has risks. You need to make your own informed decisions -- don’t let anyone steal your dreams. People who are too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage yours. Don’t let small minds convince you that your goals are too big. If your goals don’t scare you a little, they are not big enough. And be careful who you open up to. Only tell your dreams to a few people really care. The rest are just curious. 

Funny thing about France.  I sense another synchronicity!  Like your VIP guests in the example, years ago, I also had a dream about a move to France.  I started with the vision, then drew a  map, read books, got some French penpals, learned the language, really focused my attention on the goal.  Athough it didn't happen right away, I did end up winning a scholarship and completing my Masters and Ph.D in France. That period of my life was full of adventures.  Years later, something similar happened before my move to Australia. Like other readers here, consistenly living dreams is a topic of great interest. You can realize a dream, yet feel impatient for others to happen.  What to do about closing the gap between here and there...

On this note, The Answer intrigues loads of people because of its substance, exercises and advice about repeatability.  A lot of research went into it.  You talk about the importance of training and retaining the brain.  Tried and tested methods appeal. Please comment on the RAS (Reticular Activating System), how to activate it, and what we can do to accelerate the process of finding a passion and creating multiple income streams. How does knowing more about brain power catapult us into more of our true greatness?

Every person has the seeds of greatness inside them, but few people realise it. And even if you do know it, how do you make it all happen?  When you understand how the brain functions and that you can program it for whatever you want, your life goes into over-drive.  You realise that nothing happens by chance and that you are – and always have been – in charge of what happens in your life.

Taking charge, that is personal responsibility for everything, not just credit for what works out but also what does not, is such a key revelation. We have to love ourselves and express this in more than external body language.  This feels like a turning point to real transformation.

More and more people are growing aware that something in their lives does not feel right.  Yet that does not necessarily mean they are ready or willing to take action to change. The Answer  invites focusing on what one finds exciting as a step to making bigger life changes.  Of course, talkers and doers still exist. What, in your experience, prompts people to take the most immediate action, especially the leap from fear to being more honest with themselves and doing what they love?  

For some people, motivation to make a change comes when something bad happens or their life begins to unravel. While that is very normal - and Allan and I have certainly had our fair share of setbacks - if you practice setting your goals and writing and re-writing them, using affirmations and always working a piece at a time towards your goals then the process becomes second nature, life is constantly evolving and you are always focused on something new and exciting. With this approach, you come to see life in a positive way.  When someone reads THE ANSWER they realise that they can really have what they want in life and that is it simple when you follow the rules in our book.  Life can be amazing if you want it to be.

I just love revelations you share about human behaviour.  You bring those up in other books. The observations you make and write about have such widespread relevance, the themes show up in greeting cards and cartoon blurbs. The universality of themse you write about helps so many people wake up and live more consciously.  

That said, some goals are tangible, and trackable on linear timelines.  Your Book, The Answer, offers loads of pertinent wisdom for this. Yet, other people have a vision of fulfillment that is more qualitative and less relevant to timelines.  What advice can you offer people who have a vision for who they are or what they wish to be, but have difficulty outlining measurable steps. After you clarify a vision for yourself, what role does surrendering to the universe or letting go and letting God ( as they say) have in your own life? What are the results? 

The RAS will find the “HOW” when you are clear about “WHAT” you want. As Allan says, the “HOW” is none of your business [laughs]. Affirming what you do want and believing that the RAS will help you find answers to how to achieve your goal is the first step. But some people stop there and procrastinate or allow other people or situations to pull them off track. This is why it’s so important to spend time each day visualising yourself achieving your goal. Then to start writing down what you can do to get closer to your goal. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. And so it is with achieving your goals. 

Right! Nothing ever goes away until it teaches you what you need to know. As you imply, goal-setting is not all its cracked up to be. Knowing unpredictable events arise allows one to better adapt to them.  Expect the unexpected and never be disapointed. We control everything yet are not conscious of everything. Learning more about the brain helps us connect the dots and respond without allowing emotions to control us.  

With all the lives you touch, all that you accomplish, all you have done, what at this moment, makes your life most fulfilling? What would you like to do but have not done yet? How would you encourage others to live a more purpose-driven life? Could you offer any preliminary steps that would jump start the process?

My family and friends make my life fulfilling… and I just love spending time with them.  We have 4 older children and to watch them achieve new goals and move forward with their lives is such a joy. We also have 2 younger kids and we are having so much fun being older parents and showing them what they can achieve if they believe in themselves.  Allan and I have an great relationship which keeps getting better and better as we grow older together (which was one of our original joint goals).  Allan is my running mate in life and life is never dull. We laugh a lot and create an amazing life together. I feel I am a very blessed person, but this was always on my goal list.  My advice is find your running mate in life, set your goals and dreams and chase them until you achieve them.   TWO BOOKS TO READ TO KICK START YOUR LIFE ARE ….WHY MEN DON’T LISTEN AND WOMAN CAN’T READ MAPS and THE ANSWER…these are a must for anyone that wants an exciting, happy fulfilling life. Men and Women are different and once you understand the differences your personal and business life becomes really exciting.

Those book are great.  The observations you make are hilarious and so true. This makes me chuckle.  I am also reminded of themes covered in that book by John Gray, Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus.  That is another classic worth a read. I suppose you know of it? 

Books help with self-growth, yet is said that in-person coaching or mentoring people to accept more of who they are, is a way of seeing a deeper part of ourselves.  Please share some of the most profound lessons you have learned about yourself in your career. What are a few big highlights?

When I was 12 years old I had 3 jobs and worked hard.  As an adult, I realised that I was tenacious in business and could achieve almost anything when I set my mind to it.  When I met Allan, he showed me the science behind why what I did worked so well and this propelled me to go to even bigger things.  And thus, The Answer was born.

Hence, the relevance of that phrase, "the best is here and the best is also yet to come." With every moment comes the possibility of renewed strength, new ideas and inspired action.  This is how we can each experience harmony within. As you say, the focus of attention is paramount and so is being open to learning new things about ourselves.

Of course, its common to view time as a human process, a thing we create to master ourselves, grow conscious of and move through our self-created obstacles.  Love the way you invite people to make the most of their time based on how they clarify their dreams and realize them. What does time mean to you? How dos it feel to spend time wisely and master it in your own life?  

Most people waste time by spending 80% of their time on the things and activities that only produce 20% of their results.  I dedicate 100% of my time to the things that get me the 80% of the results and I take the rest of the time off.  We all have the same amount of time – the difference is how we use it.

Taking time off, the self-care time is widely under-rated and so often overlooked. What a valuable reminder.   William Penn echoes "Time is what we want most, but what we use worst."  This is a valuable piece of advice to take away. Looking after ourselves is loving ourselves much like sharing here is caring too.

It is widely known you and Allan are public speakers and facilitate seminars related to your books in 70 countries.  That is mind-blowing.  It also inspires everyone to be the best we can all be.

At this stage, I’m excited to hear more about your VIP Weekends for coaching. Please tell us more about those. What prompts you to create this opportunity? How often do you offer these events? What do they involve? How does one qualify? We would love to hear all the details. 

Our VIP Weekends are amazing! We started running them because people learn the most and have the most profound, deep experiences when in a small group environment for 2 days. We limit the VIP Weekends to a maximum of 30 people so that we have time to spend with everyone, getting to know what is important in their lives and how we can help them move forward and get more of what they want and achieve a fullfilling life.  

Love that you invite people to step outside the perceived world they build for themselves to see new sources of light, inspiration and possibilities.  One core message that stands out in The Answer is we exist to go beyond the walls or limitations we imagine.  To do that, we have to understand why we build walls in the first place.   Group discussions are great for helping us be more aware of our blind spots. Sense lots more people are interested in joinging your VIP groups.

It feels exciting to feel you developing and expanding in your projects.  You are really branching out with Heliport Studios.  This is a unique extension from books and public speaking to recording studios for TV and music.  What inspired this? How do you envision this brainchild evolving? Can you give us a sneak peak of projects in the works? 

Allan was a professional Blues guitar player in the 1960s and his passion was always music.  We decided to make this passion a business and it has grown to the point where we host famous musicians, bands and identities.  Last year we even engineered Rihanna’s  song Towards The Sun which was the title song for the Dreamworks Movie,   When you have identified your passion with The Answer, the ultimate is to turn this passion into a paying business,  When you do this, you’ll never work another day in your life.

Uplifting music to the ears!

Rhianna's song is a lyrically and melodically beautiful. Like this song, your books highlight the importance of taking life events in stride.  Thus we "let the shadows fall behind [us]."  The Answer echoes the Sun always shines from our hearts when we choose to be in harmony with ourselves. We can each bring more light and love into our lives when we stop being so Delicate , just like Taylor Swift sings.

And the vision of living playfully like a dolphin near the ocean is so inviting. The fact you are located near the Gold Coast is an inspirational setting, the perfect environment for brainstorming and discussing new visions and life transformation.  Love the opportunities you are creating for natural human connections and jumpstarting innovation.  

Thanks so much Barbara for this timely interview.  Only perfect timing exists.  You and Allen make such a huge contribution to help others awaken and reclaim their inner power. In order to understand why we limit ourselves, we have to understand who is holding us back.  This involves gaining insight into body language and mental and emotional games we play.

Thank you for reminding us who we are and what we can do is related to our thoughts and focus of attention.  There is a saying: you are beocming like the five people you spend the most time with. This is an invitation to reflect on the qualities of those you admire and create ways to spend more time with like-minded Souls.  Take advantage of the opportunity to participate in an event hosted by Barbara and Allan Pease.

Choose to get the most out of life. You get exactly what you decide, nothng more, nothing less.

Here is a link to Pease International website for more information on the VIP Weekends: www.peaseinternational.com

5 Tips to help Master Time

Mastering Time is a journey human beings choose to take when incarnating into this world.  Every moment we have opportunities to make choices to help understand the nature of time and how to create our timelines and destiny consciously and intentionally.  These are points taken from my latest book 1 of 3 of Mastering Time. Consider these 5 tips to help accelerate your transformation:

1. Master the Origin of Time

This requires you recall the future as well as where you come from.  You may do so via spiritual practices, spontaneous awakening, psychic or third eye opening, kundalini awakening or other means. Then, you go through the motions of digesting this in relation to all the falsities you are taught, adopt and come to believe. (If this reonates, you may wish to explore articles like how to awaken your third eye)

2. Master the Psychological Time

This is about growing conscious of time travel you create and engage in between the ears.  This is about language, subtle behaviours that have you stuck in a feedback loop until you snap out of it. Moving forward involves grasping and functioning with an understanding of linear time and the continuity of consciousness.

3. Master the Emotional Time

This entails growing conscious of different layers of energy bodies that are part of your larger being. You grow aware of emotional triggers that surface, why you think, feel and behave as you do, and what is really going on.  It is about going where you fear to tread, allowing yourself to feel intensity deeply.  Everything is an invitation to see the recurrent patterns until you are no longer triggered and master the emotional body. Decoding your own vibes and healing may be helped by Out-of-body experiences (OBEs) and being honest with yourself.

4. Master the Economics of Time

In a nutshell, understanding time in relation to money changes your relationship with yourself. How you function in the material world, your sense and experience of abundance, prosperity, welath and measruable experience is proportional to your level of changing conscious awareness. This is about shifting mindset and undestanding of value and how you function from inside out.

5. Master the Art of Immortality

This is about activating dormant DNA and reprogramming our brain with an immortal dream of metamorphosis. (It is explored in more detail in book 2 & 3)

Interview with Joanna Albrecht

People only ever enter our lives with perfect timing.  They always exit with perfect timing too.  We create relationships, invite them in and  all the lessons we can handle. 

Joanna Albrecht is a thought-provoking guide in many areas and especially for relationship transitions. She has been there, done that, been there, done that again. She is also an energy healer with a toolbox of gifts and skills to empower people to get to know themselves on a whole new level. She senses streams of energy that often go undetected and draws your attention to your blind spots.  It hits that you only truly get what you feel.

It is with pleasure that I share the following interview with Joanna. I marvel at the synchonicities arising during the process that prompt me to chuckle. Its a friendly rreminder that everyone who crosses our path does so for a reason. Its up to us to make this conscious. Either you draw people to you to change your life or you are already in the process of somehow changing theirs. Most often, both are happening together.  You do not have to know how energy is shifting to feel it.

Joanna, I could speak with you for ages. The depth and substance of your experience is so engaging. Between your world travel and the diversity of training under your belt, this life has certainly guided you to explore different directions. Please share key events that led up to writing your new book, Moving On and Letting Go.  Why write and share it at this point in your life?  

I have had a long history of being in-and -out of relationships. I was always looking for that man, my soul mate, to save me. The knight in shining armor that was going to make everything ok and bring peace and happiness to my life.

But every time I got into a relationship I never felt like I was complete. I never felt filled up and I would often times feel alone, even if the person I was with was right next to me.

At one point I realized that the love I was looking for was never going to come from outside of myself. Unless I learned how to give myself the love I was looking for, I was going to be constantly in a state of clinging and neediness looking for that next person who could give me more love, more energy, more attention.

When I was out of a relationship I would find my way back to love. I would tell myself the things I was longing to hear from a partner. I would take myself out on dates, I would treat myself with love and kindness, but as soon as I was in another relationship everything would go out the window and I would find myself clinging and needing again.

After a particularly challenging breakup I saw the pattern happening again and I said, “That’s it! I am writing a book on all of the steps that I take to go from totally losing myself in relationship to fully loving and appreciating myself again.

What a wake-up call! Many readers will feel you are speaking directly to them, even though you are speaking on a universal level, referring to that thing called love. This is an invitation to enjoy the moment rather than cling to it. Co-dependence is so rampant in the West.

Years ago, I recall reading Co-dependent No More by Melodie Beattie.  I also appreciate how she matured and  published The New Codependency  She covers the root of boundary issues, self -care, unconscious deprivation, control, universal topics, worth attention for those who invite them in.  

As you point out, healing from neediness requires loving ourselves.  As you also add, this is often easier said than done. Women in particular are conditioned to love, encourage, support and depend on others.  Knowing how to love ourselves is not taught. We have to become our own role model for unconditional love. This involves self-care, self-talk, conscious awareness of discomfort and that which can only be known directly. So many juicy topics covered in your book. I love it!

In your own view, what distinguishes your book among relationship books? What is you intention in writing and sharing it?

Having worked with Energy Medicine for the past 25 years I have a different outlook on relationship energetics. I see the energy between people as tangible and textural. When someone has constant thoughts it is usually because of some energy of another person in their personal space. I help people to find that energy and release it. When this happens the thoughts and emotions will dissipate and the pain is dissolved along with it.

I am hoping that these techniques will help people break the cycle of needing to find the love require out side of themselves and to feel whole and complete within.

That intention, to invite people to see what love really is, and let go of attachment to what it isn't, certainly has potential to guide people to transform themselves. Amen to that! The subtle message of taking responsibility is remarkably simple, when people choose to see it this way. 

Of course, books that explore relationships have universal appeal. It is what our lives are based on and shaped by. Human existence unfolds based on perceptions of encounters and responses to interactions.  What stands out about your book is your conversational style, and how you present the valule of moving beyond personal stories.  Please tell us more about this approach. How did you get to a place where you see beyond the personal? 

I don’t share personal stories in this book. I feel like going back through the stories actually brings you into the energy of them again and creates a feedback loop that causes them to happen again.

What I do like to do is to help people to understand why they feel the way they do and how to shift it easily and effortlessly. We make up these dramatic stories in our minds that cause us pain and suffering, but if we can breathe and relax for a moment and release the cords and energies that are causing the suffering we can be free in a matter of moments.

I would watch myself time and time again going from absolute sobbing and crying to a place of peace and calm just by releasing the energy and cords that I had to another person…when I realized this was actually possible I wanted to teach other people what I found to release them from pain and suffering.  

Many people self-question or get nervous before talking with people, as well as throughout dating or longer-term relationships. You suggest that being human includes the willingness to take risks, be vulnerable. How do you come to respect the neurotic inside? How do you get beyond your own doubt?

I am full and complete within myself. When I meet another person I know that my opinion of me is all that matters. There is a saying “What other people think of you is none of your business.”  If people love me, it is because they see me through a filter of love. If they hate me they are looking at me through a filter of hate, but none of it has anything to do with me. I tend to think that we create our relationships from our own self love and self worth and will attract people into our lives based on our own view of ourself.

So if I am meeting people who love me, I am seeing my world as a reflection of love. If I am meeting people who are judging me, there is a place inside of myself who is judging myself. Whenever the world seems less than loving I know that it’s time to get quiet and find the places within myself that aren’t feeling loved and love them again, as soon as I do that my world becomes a much more loving place.

Absolutely! It is life-transforming to reach that place where the external is seen as a mirror of how we feel inside about ourselves.  Books like yours help more people get here to this place of deeper self-understanding.  This is so crucial to seeing through the fog of conditioning.  Thanks so much!

Does it ever happen that you seek guidance outside yourself when in relationship predicaments?  What have you turned to in the past and who do you turn to currently? Has any of this helped?

I go within. The answers I am looking for are always inside of my heart. I think everyone always knows the truth if they get clear and quiet enough. No one outside of yourself can give you your own truth. When I am feeling resistant to do this and need a reminder of how to shift into that place I will often listen to Abraham Hicks who reminds me that my mind is creating my reality.

Love Esther Hicks workshops and the 'ah-ha' moments triggered by Abraham-Hicks recordings.  It is indeed useful to have a 'go-to' that helps shift your focal point of attention back to the centre, what you know in the heart. That's all it takes to wake up or intuit what is real/ unreal.  

Please share some of your favourite books about relationships and how and why you are drawn to them as guides along your journey.

The 5 Love Languages taught me about the different ways that people need to experience love. I tend to show people love my actions and words, but need physical love and attention in order to feel loved.

Attached was another book that blew my mind. I am a calm, grounded and rational person, but when I get into a relationship with some people I turn clingy and needy almost instantly. This book explained that there are different attachment types in relationships and that I tend to be more Anxious in relationships and when I got together with someone who is Avoidant, it would turn on a fear protocol that would send me into a tail spin of clingy and neediness. The more I would want closeness, the further away they would go. From this I learned that if I am feeling these things I need to come back to myself and love myself fully and completely and them I could come back to the relationship. But if it continued to happen, then that relationship is probably not the one for me. 

I am familliar with Gary Chapman's book but not the other book you mention.  Adding that to my list. Completely understand the draw of learning more about attachment types, what to recognize within yourself, what to avoid and how to heal. You might also appreciate a new book Soul Mate Love by Shannon & Scott Peck. Is it not lovely that we are always drawn to precisely what we need.  Situations repeat until a lesson is learned and thus, a new situation and opportunity for new lesson created. This is the wheel of time and life.

This said, we all love a great movie.  Which relationship films contribute to your real-world model of relationships and which films alienate you? Draw from your favourite film genre or a variety of genres. 

I love a good romantic movie…but I have realized that the whole romantic movie story is not the whole picture. You get 2 hours of falling in love, conflict and resolution and think that is the way relationships go and are disappointed when it doesn’t go that way in real life. These movies tell you that there is another person that is going to complete you out there in the world and unless you find them you will be sad the rest of your life. I just don’t think that is realistic and sets everyone up for failure. If you can truly find the love within yourself then when you meet someone who is a complement to your life, then it just amplifies yours and their own self love and you cheer each other on to live full and complete lives. You are not coming to each other as half of a person wanting to be whole, but two whole complete people wanting to share that fullness with one another to do great things in the world. The relationship is more of a partnership of building a life together that is not only good for each other, but in some way, helping the world.

That is so accurate. If we are truly honest with ourselves, mainstream romantic stories perpetuate the illusion of separation.  These emotional rollercoasters invite the audience to live vicariously through who they are not and imagine and even desire a kind of love that is unreal.  I cherish the vision you present of two complete individuals coming together to enrich each other and the world. I feel tingles and pulses of energy listening to you about this.  

If you spend a period of time with a friend, what is the probability you would seek their advice and counsel regarding your personal relationships? What if you hired a relationship advisor and acted on what turns out to be horrible advice? Who is the biggest troublemaker in your relationships and how do you effectively deal with it?

I have very few people in my life that I seek the counsel of, but when I do I always ask them to help me to find my way back to loving myself. I used to blame my partners, other people or circumstances for my sadness or problems in life, but what I have come to realize is, you create your own reality. There is some sort of reason you brought this situation into your life and sometimes it is as simple as…You wanted to see how far you could get from love in order to find your way back again. When ever I feel a lack of love I ask myself what I need to do to get back to love again. My mind is always my persecutor or savior…it’s up to me to choose which one it will be today.

How does your own direct experience differ from expectations you have had for relationships? How have your expectations changed?

I used to make it the ob of my partner to make me happy. These days I know that happiness has to come from within.

How do the practices of self-observation and awareness impact your focus and understanding of relationships?

The relationship with me comes first. If I am in a state of fullness and love then I can come to any relationship with a full to overflowing cup and I can give them from that place. If I am empty and needy I can not be a good contributor to any relationship. I now take responsibility for myself and my state of mind and emotions instead of putting that on other people. When I can bring myself

into a state of love before going out into the world, that is the energy that I am going to attract to myself. If I am receiving anything other than love I need to step away from the world and come back to myself to find the places that need love and to love them up. Your mind creates your reality and your vibration attracts to you the same. If you like what you are attracting keep doing what you are doing. If you don’t, then it’s up to you to shift your thoughts, feelings and vibration into a place where you attract more of what you wish to see and feel.

Describe life-changing revelations you have had as the result of relationships. What would you not change for anything? What related advice can you offer for readers to take away?

Everyone is always looking for their Soul Mate not knowing that Your Body is your Soul Mate. Your body is the perfect mate for your soul. It is the reason you get to be here this lifetime. If you get that relationship to a solid and loving place your whole reality will change. You will stop desperately seeking outside of yourself for love and will feel a constant state of love and appreciation inside of your own self. I think that is the key to calm, serene bliss.

How refreshing! Straight talk- right to the point. I resonate completely.  Widespread mis-understanding exists about twin flame and soul mate. What you highlight here invites readers to recognize wholeness within themselves.  Changing how you perceive yourself definitely reshapes the external world.  Direct experience is its own proof.  Conscious awareness of what is happening is mind-blowing. It is like as you grow conscious of the nature of love and what you are, then people can no longer pull the wool over your eyes. You are suddenly able to see through your own lies and everyone else's.  You sense the truth to the degree you accept your own.

So, what is your ideal relationship? How close are you to living it in the real-world and if you are not living it already, what prevents you from doing so?

I am happy and in a wonderful relationship with myself at the moment. I love the experience of living alone and the quiet expansive time that I have everyday to think and be present with my life.

If I do eventually find someone who I decide to share my life with it will be more of a building our life together and supporting each other’s work in the world. I love intimacy, kisses, cuddles and amazing sex, but at the moment I am just enjoying living life on my own.

Ah! Savoring this moment, right where you are. That is like breathing deeply, eyes closed, feeling centred.  Its that place where you silently see what used to hold you down shifts into the energy that wakes you up to what truly matters.  Shifts of energy on the heart change everything.

Please share anything else you feel would benefit our readers.

Dramatic, unhealthy relationships can be like an addiction. They can throw your entire life and well-being into a tail spin. When you can release the energy, emotions and attachments of the past it can free you so you can feel a joyful and calm state of mind again. If you are ready to feel peaceful and free, there is a way. You are not alone. You are never and have never been alone. There is a love inside of you that is more vast, warm and comforting than you have ever known, you need only tap into it.

Indeed. Freedom is about being able to objectively watch problems, see how they are imagined into being instead of being lost in them.  No solution exists when you are lost in negative energy. You offer useful reminders that seeing energy first helps you find peace inside yourself.

Infinite appreciation and blessings Joanna. For readers who wish to get in touch with Joanna, she is easily accessible through Linked in and her website. Pick up her latest book Moving On & Letting Go from Amazon.  Its available as paperback, for kindle and as audiobook.

Interview with Drew Tracy

Love how the more I tune into synchronicity, the more I connect with individuals who are clearly tuned into their destiny. Know that feeling? You know, when a wave of excitement passes through you, when you can look into a person's eyes, tune into their body language, and 'get the vibe'? 

It evokes uplifting feelings to interact with people who are doing what resonates in the heart, and inspiring others to do what comes naturally. This helps you see more of your own hidden abilities and bring them out to enable a new life to manifest before your very own eyes.

Crossing paths with Drew Tracy from  is like that. I get up one day and he arrives in my scope. I sense immediately that he is an adept observer with a genuineness and charisma that draws people in to share wisdom he has to offer. The empath in me senses a story.  As always, intuition is spot on.

Thanks Drew for making yourself available for this interview.

It would be helpful to Dreambuilders Australia readers to begin by sharing a glimpse of who you are and what you stand for. How have you reached a stage in your life where you regarded as a visualization guru? Which life experiences and/or revelations brought you here? 

People talk alot about the process that awakens them and I find those stories very inspiring. But I found them very frustrating for years as well. I now know that my awakening process began at a very young age for me (around 11) yet for the next 10 years I was living out my life through the heavily indoctrinated lens of religion that was taught to me as a child.

So I lived with a severe duality-mindset. “Never quite good enough, but still better than most” was the conditioning that I was tossed around in daily.

This inner conflict actually landed me in jail as the lack of conscious decisions I made in my life caught up with me. And it was there that I had the first divinely-appointed realization of my adult life.

That realization revealed to me that my conscious mind, my beliefs, and negatively perceived life experiences were holding me prisoner. It was actually a book that I found called “We’re All Doing Time” by Bo Lozoff that caused me to deeply feel this truth, and I felt a deep sense of relief as I studied, for the first time, things like meditation, breathing and the chakras.

But more than those practices, it was the sense of rest that I found in two traditionally terrifying questions that were stuck in my head:

1. Who am I?

2. What do I believe in?

That feels so warm at the soul level. As we shift to move more consciously through life, all we encounter is a lesson about ourselves. Some people test us. Others teach us, invite us to step outside what we think we know, see ourselves and our purpose differently. You can be receptive or not.  This is free will. Its one of the joys of being human: having the option to feel one's way through life.

In this light, please highlight specific mentors along your journey and what they have taught you.

After I had that experience, I spent the next several years learning how to let go, from those much wiser than myself like Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer, Ram Dass and Dr. Baskaran Pillai.

Dr. Wayne Dyer:  Helped me begin to understand the incredible lessons within the Tao De Ching in his book “Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life”.

Eckhart Tolle: Educated me on how to let go of the ego that is my thoughts and to disidentify with those thoughts to view my experiences objectively.

Dr. Pillai: Leads me deeper into an understanding of my true creator-self and how to manifest that divinity into my daily life through deep meditation.

Ram Dass: Invites me to ask questions about what I understand consciousness is and reminds me to live joyously

What a group of trail-blazers. You know what they say, the five people we focus the most attention on are clues about what we are evolving into...(or accepting and manifesting that we are already).

Agree whole-heartedly that we cannot hope to teach something effectively, that is, be viewed as credible, if we are not living it ourselves.  How are you already living your own ideal life scenario?

It’s my belief that we cannot teach others if we are not living our own truth and allowing transparency to shape our words and actions. For years I struggled and suffered as I “hustled” to find success in my life. It was when I let go of attachment to the work I thought was meaningful and simply allowed my heart to speak its truth that I found things could simply emerge from the abundance of the universe.

My healing first began as I started de-identifying with the self that I used to believe was me. Then, through much meditation and quiet reflection, I learned how to begin to see my thoughts objectively, rather than identifying with them. And most recently, my path has brought me to a place of discovering and dissipating the illusion of the separateness that I used to feel so heavily.

You talk a lot about success, tweet to thousands of followers about down-to-earth stuff relevant to how people feel today, even in this moment.  You also encourage students with on-line videos to clarify their visions using different techniques.  Its all very cool. All of this reveals you sense what makes others tick.

Yet, what does success look like for you? How does this feel ? Which stages are you living in real-time and still working toward?

Success to me is listening and acting out the calling that comes from deep within. That is, not chasing an ideal of what I’ve been conditioned to think an accomplished life looks like. But rather letting my true voice emerge from within with love, and taking steps down the path that begins to be laid out before me. Success to me is helping others understand that, even if the current season of their life is negative for them, they have the power within to visualize a better future by being still with themselves.

It is feeling that leads me to manifest my accomplishments. We’re often told things like “no pain, no gain” and “sacrifice now for a better future”, but I always found those ideas to lead to more suffering.

Today, I make sure to create in this world that I find myself in. We’re all creators of our own realities, so rather than hiding my true self out of fear of rejection and judgement, rather than accepting the fate that was laid out by the economy of the society that I live in, I trust the yearnings of my heart that I find in quiet meditation and walk the path that is being laid out before me.

Creating a message in a world full of messages is not always easy though, and It’s difficult at times to become a consistent creator. I’m still working toward striking a balance between allowing and taking action. Allowing the universe, God, etc. to provide the path to walk, and taking the right action as defined by my true self.

Through all of this, the one revelation I had that has never left my mind is that, unless we allow ourselves to see and deeply feel a an ideal vision for ourselves every single day, we’ll remain stuck in our current realities.

Feeling stuck is a common occurrence. It seems to happen when people are not conscious of other options and unaware of their power to change.

How would you describe your own life purpose and has this changed? What do you wish to accomplish currently? 

I used to have chronic resistance to the natural rhythms of life. Whether you’re spiritual or not, it’s obvious that life has seasons, yet many people reject the seasons of their life and try to create a new existence rather than just going with the natural flow.

My purpose in life irreversibly changed after I successfully designed my own life as best I could… I thought “Well, I tried my best and my best design of life ended up looking like a jail cell with an automatic locking door on it… not ideal.”

Today, I stick to the basics and really focus on daily renewing myself based on the lessons I’ve learned from my deep failures. Now, my life purpose is to help people cultivate a life of greater meaning, connection and purpose, so that they can better attune themselves to the natural rhythms of life.

I teach my process of visualization that really helps people allow this process to unfold. This is the daily visualization meditation I do every day:

1. Design My Perfect Path (I Get clear on my “goal” as my heart reveals it)

2. Walk My Path, Open My Gate (Daily iteration of my ideal life outcome)

3. Feel The Bliss Of Arriving (Connecting strong emotion to my goal and savoring the experience)

Really feeling your enthusiasm about visualisation and appreciate your willingness to share very empowering videos on this topic. Many people hear about the vision board concept, sometimes from Rhonda Byrne’s blockbuster book/ film the Secret.   What makes your approach to visualization unique?

I actually first learned about the concept of vision boards from John Assaraf because at that time in my journey I was really into the neuroscience based approach to the law of attraction. Of course Rhonda Byrne’s fabulous book The Secret, inspired me to implement the concepts she teaches, but at that time in my life I really needed more structure.

I deeply believe that not enough people meditate, or at least find quiet time within their busy lives to meet with themselves deep within. That was my experience with myself at least, I kept getting distracted and forgetting to meditate and put a DAILY focus on my desires.

So that’s why I began this visualization meditation, to:

1.) Create a daily guided meditation process that I wouldn’t skip, and,

2.) To give myself a fun, yet structured way to begin to live into the best version of myself every single day.

It’s really helped me get good at spending just 10-20 minutes per day implementing the lessons that I’ve learned through the years from all of the amazing teachers that we’ve mentioned already.

Love how your daily regimen is so effective and also so simple that everyone has the power to step back and do it for themselves.  Recognizing the power to choose and moving through fear that prevents it, has potential to transform lives.  Taking time out for yourself, doing what nurtures the soul is essential. Trust more people listen to your insights and do it consistently.  

By the way, how do you manage your expectations about where you have been and where you wish to go?

This is a great question. Being accepting of where I’ve been is far easier for me than managing the expectations of where I should go.

What I can say is that when either of these moments in time begin to consume my thoughts it’s an obvious trigger to me that my mindfulness is not being practiced enough. Mindfulness, focusing with deep enjoyment of the Now is really the only way I can ever hope to have clarity  within the past and the future.

How do you see the role of technology currently and changing in the self-empowerment wellness field? (You certainly use it effectively yourself as a way to compress time and connect with your growing audience)

Technology is essential to allowing others the opportunity to self-empower. I receive the most beautiful realizations and education by teachers and gurus from across the globe and I’m grateful every day for the technology that brings their decades of practice and teachings to my computer.

We can now compress time to have pivotal realizations and breakthroughs in our life. For example, rather than travelling to India to experience a concept taught in exclusivity, I can simply purchase a ticket to view the same teaching online. I save time, I consume the training and I can then meditate on its meaning and allow further self-discovery in the comfort of my own home.

I will say, however, that there is, and will never be a substitute for human contact. Technology will never allow self-mastery, only allow us to open our minds to the possibilities of change--and it’s great for spreading ideas and higher-consciousness. We are social and spiritual beings that must connect with a teacher, coach, guru etc. at a much deeper level that a screen can provide if we desire to expand our lives in a deep and complete way.

As I increasingly teach and relate everything to the process of mastering time, I am interested in your view about how time influences your visualization process.  What do you sense about and the speed with which events unfold in your own life? What are your observations about your students in this regard?

I’ve gotten very sensitive to the timing in which key events in my life unfold. When I’m mindfully observing the past and the events that happened to me I always notice that just when one major change happens, the next opportunity for growth opens up for me, and I’ve learned to trust in that.

What this means to me is that I’m taken care of. Again, it goes back to the idea that, when I tried to force my life into a direction, things played out very uncomfortably. Yet when I allow life to unfold and trust in the season in which I’m a part of, things naturally bloom and die according to divine timing.

So I try not to consider time in the traditional sense when I visualize my desires and speak my affirmations. After all, visualization takes place deep within inside our consciousness, which plays by a very different rulebook than the physical plane in which we operate in.

What, in your view is the relationship between life shifts, evolving consciousness and heart-based, ideal life outcomes?  

I think that the “ideal life outcome” concept is still a very new one. The major economies in the world are incredibly wealthy and if you live in those your actual needs are very minimal. Living in this kind of abundance brings up unique questions that those who are simply struggling to survive can’t ask like “Am I doing this life thing right?” and “What is my true purpose in life?”

I actually think about this alot since I have 3 boys under the age of 6. There’s so much I haven’t had the opportunity to learn about how the global consciousness is evolving, so what I do is to listen to the lessons I learned during my times of change and consider how I can teach those around me how to use a “new” set of tools to navigate and experience life with. Things like empathy, compassion, truth and stillness are not traditional drivers of success and economy, but I feel it’s time to focus on these first, and that’s what I do with the young minds in my home as well.

Like you, I and many of our readers have children and grandchildren whose existence and behaviour highly influences our choices. Children are so fun-loving and spontaneous.Did you know children laugh on average 100x per day and adults less than 10x per day. This speaks volume about stress and authenticity The more people recall feelings of light-heartedness, the easire it is to see blessings in whatever arises. My son often says, 'It doesn't matter mommy.' And it doesn't, nothing really does, except in the mind. 

Please share what makes you smile, feel more child-like. What enables you to feel most alive?

I love nature most of all. I smile when I see its perfection and laugh at myself when I say things like “I can’t wait for spring” when it’s cold for instance. The perfect timing of its life and death is what I love most.

I feel enlivened when I’m able to fall into rhythm with the days I’m given. There’s so much to see in nature if we’d only look as we practice mindfulness.

Definitely! Living in different places, even where we choose to spend time reveals a lot about our state of consciousness and level of self-awareness. Being in natrue more often brings us closer to feel our own true nature and those things about ourselves we do not always see.

If you could leave a message with our readers, or a piece of advice to take away, what would it be?

Become empowered by your desire to live your life with more fulfillment. Don’t limit yourself on account of your current and past life experiences, but rather choose to understand that you can begin to live into a limitless, powerful life today.

Our readers are always eager to hear about new ways to connect with inspirational mentors like yourself. How can they contact you? Please share whatever intuitively arises.

The absolute best way is to connect with me is to come interact with me in the comments of my free visualization series called a Visualized Life. I’ve been getting some great response via email, so I just had a comments section added to the course so others can begin to benefit from the conversation as well. Anyone can access for free by clicking here.

Thank you so much Drew for all you are and all you do. We look forward to keeping our finger on the pulse of Rune & Relic Courses and reminding ourselves how important it is to do something to inspire and uplift ourselves every single day.

Throughout the day, its also helpful to create mindful moments where you cherish something about yourself and your life wherever you are, as you are, come what may. This is a key to seeing though limiting beliefs, laughing more and finding ways to help others without asking for anthing in return. What goes around, comes around.  The universe has your back covered.