25 Questions to help get Clarity in a Relationship

If you are confused about your relationship, whether its moving forward, stagnating or even if you have one at all, you may benefit from getting more clarity.  

Clarity in relationships means a situation where both partners are on the same wavelength, have mutual understandings of the purpose of spending time together.  The need for clarity arises if either partner is unsure of the direction a relationship is heading. Its helpful if confusion is addressed. 

The major way to ask for clarity in relationships is to have a genuine and open talk with your partner. You both need to be clear on what you want in the relationship and how the other party can contribute.   Clarity is important because it is one of the best ways to open your eyes to several things you might have ignored. You need to know if you both see the relationship in the same way. Getting clarity will help you know where to improve or if action can be taken for mutual benefit.  Consider 25 questions to help you find clarity:

1. How often do I doubt my relationship?

Identify how often this thought crosses your mind. Does it cause insomnia, and are you looking to find solutions to unanswered questions? Be deliberate. Query about your relationship. 

2. Is there a pattern?

Another way to gain clarity in relationships is by asking yourself if there is a noticeable pattern in your own behaviour or theirs. This might explain why you are having doubts about your partner. 

3. Do we agree on the status of our ‘relationship’?

Two partners must be aware of the nature of a friendship or evolving relationship to consciously play their roles and allow the union work.  Are you both of you are working towards a common goal?

4. Is history repeating?

Do you notice that some things that happened in your previous relationships occur in the present one? If this is so, (i.e. fear of commitment) you need to find out what is truly going on. 

5. Do I feel safe?

A key question to ask yourself about your relationship is if you feel safe or not. Providing answers to these questions will help you understand if some behaviors should not be condoned.

6. Are we willing to compromise?

If you want to know the level of commitment, you can gain clarity by finding out if you and your partner are ready to compromise. The basis of compromising is stepping out of your comfort zone.

7. Can I count on my partner for support?

When you are in a relationship, you should rely on your partner for support, irrespective of the circumstances. If you are looking for how to ask for clarity, knowing where your partner stands when it comes to supporting you is crucial. If your partner is always available for you, or simply shows up intermittently at his/her convenience, this means two different things. Do you feel like a priority?

8. Is my relationship adversely affecting my self-esteem?

Another way to gain clarity in your relationship is to find out if your overall self-esteem is affected or not. You need to be brutally honest. If you always feel good about yourself and the relationship, then the union might be something you want to continue.

9. Is my relationship preventing my growth?

The goal of any healthy relationship is to grow together with your partner. There is something wrong if one of the partners is not growing in different aspects of their lives. The right partner will ensure you grow and succeed in everything you do. If you are not growing, your partner might not have your best interests at heart.

10. Do our major goals align?

One of the reasons you might not have gotten clarity in your relationship is that your goals do not align with your partner’s. Do you know your own goals? Do you know theirs? This may be an invitation to reflect here.

For instance, some major goals in relationships are relocation, children, career, marriage, pets, spirituality, ect. For your relationship to work and stand the test of time, you need to be sure you and your partner agree here.

11. Does it excite you to see your partner? 

You need to ask yourself important questions like “am I happy to see my partner?” Knowing the answer to this question helps you to know if your relationship excites you or not. In a healthy relationship, partners will always be happy to see each other when they meet.  This means that despite what they are facing, the thought of having a partner gives a sense of fulfillment.

12. Where do I see my partner and me in a few years from now?

Another way on how to get clarity in a relationship is knowing where you and your partner will be in some years and if the both of you will still be together or not. Knowing the answer to this question allows you to focus on other areas of life. If you don’t feel your partner has staying power, the relationship may not be worth keeping.

13. Am I ready to change?

Does it look difficult or easy for you to change some things for your partner? If you are not ready to be accommodating and understanding in some aspects, then it means your relationship is not rock-solid. 

14. Is the communication between us smooth?

Communication is beyond the regular conversations you have with your partner. It involves how the both of you make plans to achieve a common goal, even if it is to resolve a conflict. Are you someone who likes texts and written messages? Is your partner mor of a gift giver of time, energy and objects? Unsure whether your understand each other? The 5 Love Languages book may help. 

16. Do you feel free to express yourself when your partner is around?

Have you noticed how you behave anytime you are around your partner?   It can give you a pointer to know if you like who you are around them. When you are with your partner, you should feel secure and happy to express your ideas, emotions, and thoughts. If you don’t feel delighted and safe around them, it is a sign that the relationship is not healthy for you.

17. Do you and your partner trust each other?

Trust is one of the core building ingredients of a healthy relationship. To ask for clarity in relationship, you need to find out the level of trust between you and your partner. Both of you have to be sure that you will keep each other in mind when making critical decisions and avoid being selfish.

18. Is there respect in your relationship?

When it comes to finding out relationship clarity, one of the things to check is if there is respect in the union. Showing respect comes with honoring your partner. It means you will always note that they are an integral part of your life, and you will not demean them.

19. Have you spoken about romance?

To truly gain insight into your present relationship status, this is one of the questions you need to ask yourself. If you and your partner have not told each other “I love you” , it might be that the relationship, it may cross your mind to explore this.

20. Are you or your partner sacrificial in the relationship?

One of the ways to know that your partner is rooting for you is when they go out of their way to do something for you. Have you or your partner made some huge sacrifices that came with many demands? If this has barely happened in your relationship, it means you have a lot of work to do.

21. Do you feel threatened by people who admire your partner?

How do you feel when you learn that some people are into your partner? Do you feel secure that nothing will happen, or do you always feel agitated that your partner will cheat on you?   Any feeling you have when other people find your partner attractive determines the state of your relationship.

22. Do you love spending time with your partner’s loved ones?

When you are in a relationship with someone, you have an important duty to keep close relations with those close to your partner. However, if you don’t feel comfortable being around your partner’s family and friends, something might be wrong with your relationship.

23. Can you call your partner your best friend?

One of the ways to find clarity in relationships is if you see your partner as your best friend. Having your partner as your best friend is mostly advised when it comes to relationships. They should display certain attributes that will make you rely on them and call them your best friend.

24. Are you keeping a secret from your partner, or are they keeping one from you?

Do you feel your partner is hiding something from you, and they don’t want to spill it? Usually, you can detect this by watching any behavior they recently started displaying. Such behaviors might be propelled by something you are hiding. 

25. When last did you discuss the future together?

To gain clarity in relationships, look back at the last time the both of you had a serious discussion about the future. Planning for the future regularly with your partner helps you know what to look forward to. If you rarely talk about the future together, something might be wrong with your relationship.

Another step to find clarity in relationships is to find out the deal breaker in your union. Is there anything your partner would do that can make you walk out of the relationship? You need to be clear on the boundaries in your relationship that come with some repercussions if they are crossed.

If you have been confused about the state of your relationship, use the questions mentioned in this piece as a yardstick to measure how your relationship is going.

9 Tips to Shift your Program

One view is all you do or not is part of a Matrix program.  Everything you think, every emotion you feel is a download, shaping your life until the moment you begin making this process conscious. 

The good news is, the more you grow conscious, the more receptive you are and more intuitively you shift focus to what resonates with your core energy.  Review these 9 tips to shift your program:

1. Acknowledge what you do not want

Awareness of unhappiness is a pointer. When things do not seem to be working, this is merely perception. You cannot think your way into happiness. You must feel the way. Many people think they are lost until growing aware of what evokes joy, allow feelings to guide them to what self doesn't see. The ego nurtures self-centred desires. The soul has another sense of happiness.  Be open to this. Surrender to the universe.  As John Lennon echoes, "Life is what happens when you are making other plans." Everyone is not destined for a linear path.

2. What do you wish to create?

Visions can be tangible and intangible.  Humility expands consciousness which opens ourselves to the greater universe.  From here, everything starts flowing. This is an opportunity to add detail to the cloud above the cartoon you see as your expanding life.  Expectations arise in the ego.  Humility is the willingness to allow Spirit to be a reliable guide.

3. Clarify your Why

Why do you want to make this dream part of your reality? Does it signify Freedom? Happiness? Security? Love? Wholeness? Having a compelling reason for a dream catapults you into action.  The power of intention is huge. Jot down why you feel drawn to this dream you have set as your goal. Write down all reasons, regardless of whether you consider them major or insignificant. Putting words down is powerful.

4. Identify what you need to make this happen

Brainstorming and reflection allow you to pinpoint what you need to allow this new dimension of your reality.  Allowing is the key to living the dream. Set your sights at any level.  If you were told that you need money to make money, read about people like Brian Tracy who started with nothing and now has millions of dollars.  Acknowledge ego-driven ambition and heart-centred focus each shape what unfolds in your experience. Feel the difference of going with and against the current of the Soul.

5. Make obstacles conscious

You can’t solve a problem you don’t know exists or are not willing to acknowledge. This implies you must also identify the beliefs, thoughts, and mis-perceptions that do not support your dream.  This is what really stands in you way. Whenever you speak about your dream and get flack, encounter fear reflected through others, this is all a projection of your own self-limiting conditioning.

 6. Eliminate negativity

When you are fully conscious of your self-sabotage programming and your attitudes, work on correcting your negative perception.  You cannot achieve something if your thought undermine it.  You must identify, abate, and replace limiting beliefs to see positive changes in your life and financial situation.  

7. Use positive Affirmations

Just like your subconscious mind learned to accept negative perspectives about money, what is possible or out of reach. you can teach it new, positive affirmations and, gradually, it will accept them as true. Practice positive affirmations. Know everything is unfolding perfectly.  Remind yourself of your intention and progress. Repeat : “I love and accept myself and deserve the best,” and “I am living the dream.”  Establish a timeline.  Be firm.  Negativity stops here.

8. Who could help you on your quest?

Read about people who have realized dreams like yours and lost them. What do you gain from their insights? Dale Beaumont  says,“You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” He discovered what successful people do and followed their lead, aiming for the same results in business.  Jack Canfield also advises approaching people who inspire you. Take steps to connect, talk to people who are teachers, mentors and masters who inspire you on the path.  Do whatever you are guided to do to balance communication within, to foster confidence, build up a charge, energize yourself. Be a magnet for truth in all forms. 

9. How does it feel?

Specify how it feels to be living your dream in this present moment.  Being here is imperative to allowing this to enter your life experience.  The feeling focus helps solidify your new reality.  Envision rewards for wise decisions. It also helps you recognize emotions you have to feeling whole and complete. Be completely receptive.  Imagine aspects of this dream as part of a new life on a new timeline.  For this to happen, you must be honest about which aspects of your current reality you must detach from to make from for the new vision to replace it.  Feel a new reality take root. Adding detail to this vision gives the new roots strength.

8 ways time teaches you about you

Your relationship to time says a lot about your relationship with yourself. You can learn a lot about your personality, state of mind and level of consciousness based on how you view and relate to time.  If you are asked what time is, notice which (or how many) of the following feel right or compatible with how you view the world:

1.  Time is a means of enslavement

Notice whether you use time unconsciously, as when your attitude resents deadlines or calendar events.  Observe how you feel, whether your muscles contract or get anxious about constraints.  This view evokes feelings of stress, limitation, resistance, discomfort, and punctuality issues. Being late is like sending the message, "I don't care", "It doesn't matter" or "F*ck you." Identify specific emotion(s) driving you along and follow them to the Source.

2. Time is a device of convenience

Notice whether you use time consciously as a tool to rendez-vous with people in specific places, longitudes, latitudes or when the Sun is at a certain point in the sky.  Meet a friend for a hot drink or a lover for dinner. How else in the physical, linear world can you be sure to be in the same point at the same time? This view sees time as a device, like an invisible thread to bring people together in the same perceived conditions.  

3. Time is a luxury

Notice whether time is something you feel you lack, do not have or choose to deny yourself.  Pinpoint whether its something you think you must earn or bend over backwards to get, strain or struggle to obtain. This view sees time as like a carrot at the end of a fishing line you always seem to be chasing. Yet, what is luxury? It is increasingly defined by how people view and  spend time. In a busy and intrusive world, people increasingly value time for enjoying intimate moments and extraordinary or unique experiences.

4. Time is therapy

Notice how much time you give yourself reveals how much love, joy self-care you give yourself.  In another way, what you are aware of in time is all that exists for you and offers a lesson in the psychotherapy of appreciation.  The more you observe and appreciate yourself, the more your senseory perception expand s and the more of your surroundings opens itself up to you.  If you are not in the forest when a tree is cut, you do not hear it fall.  If you are unaware of your needs, you cannot satisfy them in-time.

5. Time is a pointer to the totality

Being here involves intention to know life in all dimensions. Let us say we turn down voltage to lights. You cannot see verything clearly in your midst. Imagine that your mind-body is operating at a limited voltage until you discover you hold back and then turn up the life voltage within you.  Awakening and Mastering Time to time turns up your voltage which enables you to handle whatever happens.  Inside you are fully charged.  Life within you is like an explosion.  Exercising control on the outside can lead you to constraint the energy flow on the inside. As you allow energy to flow freely inside, surrender to yourself, and properly control the outside.  The body, mind can then be used to the full extent.  Things you never thought you were capable of you begin doing simply because you begin to see yourself as a battery with voltage fully charged.

6. Time is a portal

In Science fiction books and films, time portals are often used to take a group of people or a single person back in time. Popular time travel destinations often involve traveling back to the era of the dinosaurs. In some films time portals can also be set as a hazard, for instance, they can begin to go haywire which makes them accidentally transport you where you do not wish to go. Back to the future or back to the past is a choice you can easily change with awareness.

7. Time is the key to endless possibilities

From the moment you see time as branching timelines and dimensions, excitement grows as you create pitstops as you hitchhike through universes.  You shift gears, travel differently, discover astral and lucid dreaming, the insights to travel through the chakras and other systems.

8. Time is an imaginary concept 

Notice time is an imaginary concept that exists in the mind.  You give it life and meaning by focusing attention on it. Time play with in movies and books. We need not travel by Flu powder like Harry Potter and friends who call out the name os a place, disparate and apparate  To be mindful of your past, is to be open to lessons. Yet, do not focus here, or it will trap you.  To be mindful of your future, is to know your vision of future shapes your future. But do not linger too long, or it will distract you.  Choosing to stay present is to marvel at simple wonders of this moment and be infinitely grateful all-the-time.

Live as if nobody can teach you

Reasons exist for everything we perceive and invite into our lives. Most people are inspired by others.  We all imagine and create people we admire for qualities and experiences we relate to or aspire to have ourselves. 

Yet, inspriational mentors we connect with and admire also silently invite us to grow more conscious of our own true qualities so we can bring these to light. Ponder these ten points that encourage seeing yourself more often as your own guru or inspirational mentor:

1. Stand on your own

Even for a moment or a day, let go of ideas, all that you are taught. Unspoiled wisdom exists within you. This involves trusting yourself more, living more in love than fear. Trust is not about techniques, strategies or tools, but about getting to the root of your character.  The more you interact with empowering people, the more you empower and listen to yourself, the more you are accepting yourself.  What is your inner voice sharing? How does this en-lighten or en-liven you?

2. See into the nature of pleasantness

The only way to be genuinely pleasant all the time is if everything around you is always seen to be pleasant.  This is unrealistic. To be happy all the time is to deny the full gamut of emotions and lessons available. Every ah-ha moment is drawing you deeper into yourself, to see the origin of your beliefs, projections and reflections. Which core beliefs are you discovering and healing?

3.  Notice assumptions and beliefs cloud perception

As you grow more skeptical about everything and everybody, about social systems, policitial structures, religious beliefs, scientific theories, and popular beliefs about other planets, you discover no ideas enable you to get intimate with real life.  Getting real involves the willingness to question familliar foundations and bravely remove the carpet you imagine that you stand on.

4. Observe the inner skeptic 

Life unfolding around you is never going to be 100% what you think you want.  Ask yourself who thinks it should be? See the inner skeptic as the teacher it is. At any given second, a geosynchronous satellite is emitting a T1 ( a terabyte) of information.  The human brain compresses 3-4 terabytes of information for memory storage. Imagine the interaction between the human brain and geosynchronous satellites and what we are downloading unless we grow conscious and take personal responsibility.  We have the capacity to transcend all that which gives the illusion we are separate from true self.  

5. Delve into the secrets of time

How else could you learn but through the invention of time or imagined gaps between here and there? Earth is not about instantaneous manifestation though many people tell themselves this is what they want or work toward.   Recall your intention in being here. Be aware of conditioned impatience or the urge to want things or results faster. What is time teaching you about yourself, downloads and your human experience?

6. Mistakes are necessary

If you are protected from committing mistakes, you can never learn anything.  Being aware is noticing the difference between mystics and mistakes; mystics see everything the way it is, people who see mistakes judge how things should be.   Watch what happens as you grow more solutions-oriented and then begin to identify the source of perceived problems and solutions is the same.

7. See through illusion of directions

What you assume is up or down, side-to-side or in other directions, is arbitrary. Reflecting on the planet as a spinning sphere, if you are looking upward, you cannot ever be sure which direction you are looking in. The only direction you can be certain of is what is outward and what is inward.  As you explore the outer world, your inner world grows sharper.  Imagine yourself as a pilot in a plane in a wild spin with no sense of up or down. What do you do? How do you ground yourself without traditional points of reference?

8.Conscious choice followed by conscious action

One view of the ideal path is to live with awareness of what is going on energetically within and without.  The more conscious you are of what you dream, the more  conscious action you take to pave the way for what is unfolding as new realities. You take conscious action to draw out more of your forgotten or hidden self.  Notice what is arising within. Trust arises in consciously observing truth and grows as you embrace vulnerability. What truly matters?

9. Stop lying to yourself

Pain and pleasure happen within you. Have you ever experienced anything outside yourself? Who determines what happens within you? Notice what happens as you determine how your experience of life is on this planet is 100% determined by you. You cannot lie to yourself and make any more excuses as the truth reaches conscious awareness. You respond to everything as a way to wake up to the big picture.  Everyone and everything is helping you help yourself. Who or what stands out as helping you most right now?

10. Unleash your inner radiance

What feels like moments for me seems to be hours for others.  Time stops as I discover everything I believed was me is not me. What is here is there, what is there is here, past and future get mixed up until distinctions disappear.  As the fog clears, when two eyes are open, the world of time exists and when these eyes are closed, another reality presents itself though another eye. Watch what happens as Mastering Time becomes a conscious choice.