Get to the crux

Some people get confused about the requirements for success.  It doesn't mean you have to foresee and control each step of self-development.  Who you see reflected in the mirror isn't the only influence on the direction of your life. 

What if you began to understand success means far more than your state of mind?  What if each of your thoughts and behaviours was engaged in a much larger process aimed at prompting you to give up what you assume are fundamental beliefs?  Would you get to the crux?  Would you confront your fear of being successful?

1) Free will.  If you are to change any aspect of yourself or your life, then this must be your choice.  As far as your ego is concerned, 'success' means encouraging you to stay as you are.  Left to your own ingrained desires, you might not choose to confront issues or situations which would enable you to redefine success.  You get to decide what will happen.  Which direction beckons?

2) Rediscover yourself.  Success doesn't require you to become something you're not.  Its all about deciding its safe and desirable to let go of and relationships, beliefs, feelings, conditions or emotions that aren't you.  Evolution is a gradual process.  Its a matter of rediscovering what you already sense in your awareness but have temporarily forgotten.  Give up what you have been conditioned to assume. 

Rethink your "piece de resistance"

Success is perceived differently by everybody.  Each of us has views on a lifestyle or activities that define our most appealing vision, let's say its like our "piece de resistance."  You may wonder if its okay to change your view on this, and wonder how others will react to any changes in your behavior.  As the result of my recent trip to Istanbul, Turkey, I share  a story that offers a perspective on dream-making.

I met a man who runs his small hotel as a family business.  It appears modest on the outside and has simple ethnic decor inside.  You may ask how the business came to be.  As it happens, the owner used to be a chef in fast-paced London (U.K.) restaurants.  He climbed the ranks, worked busy days, six-days per week in some fascinating venues.  For some chefs, success is apprenticing with masters, working in key restuarants, or becoming head somewhere yourself. This man had done much yet, felt dissatisfied.  He felt afraid he was missing out on his son's childhood.

Lo and behold, this chef startled a few people and made a big change. He decided to move back to his wife's home country and explore a new lifestyle and options.  When he initially moved, his thought was to open a restaurant cooking his favorite cuisine.  Yet, locals weren't enamoured by this kind of cooking.  So, he devised a new dream, went out on a limb and chose to open a small hotel. What an adventure!

Obtaining required permits was time-consuming.  Contractors were hard to find.  Then, not only did they ignore building rules and codes, the agencies meant to enforce them ignored the hotel owner's complaints.  He paid for materials and contractors didn't provide the agreed-on service.  Imagine when lawyers and inspectors advised the building had to be torn down and rebuilt due to questionable infrastructure.  People the hotel owner also thought were friends turned their backs on him during his hardship.  The man was devastated with it all.  Yet, he had the building re-done, incurred a big financial loss, and re-evaluated his meaningful relationships.  Now, business is growing. His experience taught him useful things: 

1) Opportunities to learn are everywhere.  No matter where you are, or what choices you've made, they are the right ones for you at the time.  Its simply a question of evolving to trust your instincts and choosing to learn from whatever is unfolding.  After all, you're here to learn.  How you shape this life is up to you.

2) Obstacles will arise.  Tests are predictable.  This could seem like a test of your physical strength, your emotional staying power, your mental resilience.  On some level, its all the same.  You need to convince yourself you're worthy, that you really want what you think you want.  Its time to determine what you really value.

3) You control more than you realize.  You may not control other people, but you control how you react to them and to your circumstances.  You have repeated invitations to make the most of where you are.  If you haven't been in the habit of recognizing them, its time that you do.  Since your life is the result of your thoughts and actions, you are the captain of your ship.  Your life experience gives you occasions to learn to sail.  When will you put out the jib?

5 Ideas to rethink your own success

Some people assume they will realize dreams when they are no longer ravaged by time, when they finally overcome illness, gain more control, move beyond violence or reasons for discomfort, like anger or despair. Yet, wait a minute. Are you the sort of person who thinks success is limited to a tangible result or an unreachable ideal?

You may equate success with how closely you are able to stay true to a purpose. You may know people who evaluate the good, the bad, and what they term, 'the ugly,' or how many opportunities they feel they have squandered. Ultimately, you are the only judge of your own choices, your performance, and all the results you perceive. Don't forget the value of each step of your journey. Rethink success with these ideas:

1) Spontaneous revelations -when was the last time you experienced an "ah-ha" moment? You know that positive, reassuring feeling. A kind of light bulb goes off in your mind.  You finally grasp an idea that escaped you before. It's like, you're back on track. Nothing comes from nothing.  You learn even when you don't realize it.

2) Reconciliation -when was the last time you made up after a disagreement? You come to sense needless pain alongside necessary struggle. You realize its possible to impact other lives with kindness and grasp this also mirrors how you treat yourself.

3) From pride to forgiveness- when was the last time you shifted from shame to remorse? Have you learned to forgive people and yourself for grudges? You can decide to be polite and tolerant and not permit negative feelings to control you. It can be as simple as saying, "I'm sorry" or, agreeing to disagree without animosity.

4) From accusing to understanding-when was the last time you evolved from judging what used to seem evil and reckless behavior in others to see it as antithetical to what you needed to learn about you? You may sense a person's inner turmoil or shattered dreams are simply invitations for love and comfort. You're in "the same boat." All you need to do is recognize that you cope and learn together.

5) Accept you won't get everything- when was the last time you felt fine about not getting something you asked for? No matter how you pray, what you work toward or desire, its vital to realize circumstances that unfold are the best ones for you. This may not become clear until you learn what you're meant to from an experience.

Realize mistakes don't exist

How often have you felt as though "success" is beyond your reach? You may be the sort of person who assumes you've made too many mistakes.  What if such perception is flawed?  Perhaps its time you realized mistakes don't exist.  You may choose to obscure a truth you don't wish to see.

If you decided to change you perspective, imagine how your life would change.  From the moment you choose to believe that every choice you make has benefits, that your choice to live itself is a version of success, then you will value each experience differently.  What if you decided mistakes were some crazy thing you invented to cause yourself to forget you are successful just as you are? 

Many people overlook that success is based primarily on how a person thinks.  It is grounded in deciding how happy and complete you choose to feel as you are. It isn't based on what you're taught. Success doesn't have to relate to what you can or can't buy, to people you do or don't know, to the nature of reaching particular goals or not. It is grounded on a state of being, on the energy you emit from inside. 

In a nutshell, your mission or life purpose is what you choose to make it. If, at different periods of your life, you choose to change your path or goals, that's simply another facet of your success. It takes courage to reframe yourself, to take steps you haven't taken before, to realize you are no longer the person you used to be. Nobody judges you but yourself. Only you can let go of it and rethink all you are.

Remind yourself that your idea of mistakes may just be other people's projections of what they fear they aren't prepared to do. What works for you, what makes sense to you, will not always make sense to other people.  That's okay.  You define your own success.  Be happy.  Accept yourself.    Mistakes don't exist. They are only a form of your fear. You are ready to move ahead. Success is only a thought away. Begin now.

Uncover deeper secrets behind power dressing

Power dressing is a synonym for dressing for success. No matter which milieu you choose, how you look reflects how you feel about yourself. Would changing your appearance make any difference in how you’re perceived? Would changing self-care influence your esteem? Dressing for success includes feelings you reveal and conceal.

For working women, power dressing can mean female versions of men’s suits or other workplace attire, especially if women are expected to behave like female versions of men. If any hint of sexuality is removed from sight, would you think women would get more respect? What about self-respect? Should yours change?

Men at work are also expected to fit a particular part. Dressing up or dressing down makes its own statement about authority or subordination. Society has expectations for men and women. Each person chooses to conform to standards or not, to be a follower or a trend-setter. Each choice will have consequences.

How you review your position, whether or not you feel comfortable  in your role, all give you hints about the suitability of where you are.  Are you listening to your dreams? Your work choices may not touch upon social causes. Your focus doesn't have to be the pursuit of justice to be right for you. What's important to recognize is whether your choices revolve around other people’s ideas of success or your own.

No matter what you wear, or how you contribute to society, you hide behind masks. As you gain insight into the masks other people wear, you also gain insight into your own. It is these masks of emotion that shape your ideas of success and whether or not you realize them.  Do your current path and clothes make you feel good?

Some people portray arrogant or assertive personas, but they’re really terrified of powerlessness. Other people hide behind sexism or discrimination to conceal their unsatisfied desires, impotence or unresolved anger.  Appearances can indeed be deceiving. Learn to discern what is said by others through their subtle nuances. Reinterpret your choices. Are you a walking contradiction of success?

Fear is always linked to unhealed wounds. Violence, oppression and any other treatment that holds you back from success tends to stem from pain. This could reflect your own as much as anyone who seems outside yourself. Success can be understood as discerning the inter-connectedness among compassion, patience and power. We can only ever choose to heal ourselves.