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Entries in divorce (4)

Thursday
Aug102023

Listen to the Soul


On the surface, we may appear poor and aspire to get something different, something more. Yet, only a rich person can be poor. This 'rich' is not about money. Material riches are not true wealth. If ambition remains, we are poor. What we have or do not have is not the point. When we have enough, desire and dissatisfaction disappear. The vanishing of desire is the meaning of "enough". An analogy can be made with fears we adopt. The letting go of fears is a way to expand spiritual wealth, which allows other kinds of abundance to flow freely.

Spiritual wealth is an intangible kind of richness. To nourish spiritual richness is not about going to church or adopting a particular faith or religion. Its about living by universal principles. It is about qualities and experiences that nourish love, respect and acceptance, trustworthiness, honesty, truthfulness, peace of mind, compassion, contentment, honour, playfulness, love and spontaneity. If we do not embody a reservoir of spiritual wealth, then no amount of money or material gain can make us happy. Spiritual wealth guides us to live in integrity with intuition, the voice of inner wisdom. It guides us to our own source of happiness which is then mirrored energetically in the external.

In light of global upheavals, many people fear uncertainty, fear losing points of reference, find themselves hesitating to move forward in a soul-guided way. We are taught to doubt ourselves, question our ability to survive, question how we can continue living in the lifestyle we have been even if we give parts of it up. The prospect of stepping outside the familliar triggers deep wounds, issues or patterns of our respective lineages or unseen blocks.

If we choose to listen to the soul, when we put up an emotional wall, this is an soul-guided invitation to decode and dismantle it to grow as a soul. Facing fear is the process of rediscovering true unlimited richness inside ourselves. It is part of taking full and complete responsibility for our role in creating where we are and all our conditions or accepting them. Its knowing all is possible. Making choices that whole-heartedly put inner knowing into practice is art of letting go, creating new Soul guided relationships and conditions as realities

 

Friday
May032019

Interview with Vishnu of Vishnu's Virtues

 

In the process of reflecting on why we do the things we do, its helpful to draw our attention to underlying principles that drive us. Self-respect, dignity and honour sit at the top of my list. Yet, I was not always so clear. We are often reminded life's apparent obstacles are the Path to getting to know ourselves better and seeing with more clarity.    

As part of awakening to elements of a more authentic life, and shifting to walk the talk, universal principles often guide me.  Synchronicity led me to meet Vishnu of Vishnu's Virtues. His popular self-help blog and books help people who have had difficult relationships heal their break-up and find love again.  I appreciate that he speaks from direct experience and is speaking his truth from the heart.  During this interview, I invite taking a closer look at messages about harmony or disharmony in our own lives:

Thank you so much for this interview opportunity. I am looking forward to it!

Please share what you do and what brought you to this point in your life...

I was born in the East and grew up in the West between two cultures. Like many “good kids” with immigrant parents, I followed the path that was designed for me and that society told me to follow. I finished my law degree, got a job in the legal field, got married and bought a house.

That is a common story. Many parents model a certain life and we are taught to find our place in their existing paradigm.  As restlessness arises, we are invited to ask why.  Tell us what prompted you to break away, and to embark on another Path.

 If I had followed the path that had been promised to me, then everything should have worked out and I should have lived happily ever after. That quite didn’t happen and instead, everything fell apart. When life falls apart, we can fall apart or we can start a blog... 

Funny. This reminds me of the film Julie & Julia with actresses Amy Adams and Meryle Streep.  The is based on Julie Powell's autobiographical book: 524 Recipes: 365 Days.  The protagonist decides to spice up her life by blogging on cooking her way through a Jullia Child cookbook.  By listening to her heart, the blogger develops quite a following.

Share insight into pivotal events that shake you up, cause you to face fears. How do such experiences prompt us to make lasting life change? 

Without question, my divorce was one of the most life-changing, pivotal and sacred moments in my life. As Debbie Ford has said, “ Divorce becomes a holy moment when you choose to use it as a catalyst for having an extraordinary life.” For me, I think divorce was a wake up call to thoroughly examine every part of my life and recreate my life from the ground up. I started making life choices and career choices more consciously.

That sounds tough, and yet, adversity also often makes us stronger.  Beautiful flowers are known to grow out of the mud. How about painting us a picture: feel the way through the difficulty... 

This may sound a bit gruesome, but it feels like being a lonely ghost in a cemetery at night. Imagine a ghost who didn’t’ know how he got there and didn’t know where all the other ghosts were. So you’re lonely, it’s dark and it feels like death all around you!

This reminds me of that classic 1965 film The Sound of Music with Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer.  Unsure if you know it? Anyway, during the film,  Mother Superior (and later 'Maria') says, "When the Lord Closes a Door, somewhere he Opens a Window..." The divine message here is to simply trust in what is coming. Can you relate to that?

Definitely! The good part about darkness is that you know it won’t be night time forever. The day will surely come and the sun will rise again. 

Hallelujah! How did you find the Path back to yourself and what matters?

I found my way back to myself by forgetting about the outside world and focusing on my inner world. I found my way back to myself by getting clear on what I wanted out of life, determining what I valued and remembering the feelings that I wanted to have in my life on a daily basis. I thought about the life I wanted ahead of time before going about creating it. Often we do  the opposite.

That's a great lesson and invite for everyone.  I mean, how many people are really clear on their purpose, their priorities and actually live by them consisently?

Not yet eveyone...

Exactly! Sometimes it takes adversity to shake us up and wake us up. (See also my Interview with Kerrie Atherton about Stories of Hope)

What does happiness mean and feel like in your personal life? What are some practical things people can do to experience more personal happiness?

My biggest suggestion is to figure out what makes you happy and do that ahead of time. One way to be happy is to live in alignment with who you are.

Excellent point! How would you suggest our readers uncover this?  

One way to know who you are is to do the internal work of asking yourself who you are, why you’re here and what you want. A simple way to tap into this is to figure out what brings you happiness on a daily basis. Pay attention to which experiences and conditions evoke joy in you.

The simplicity of paying closer attention really resonates. We can only answer our own questions by being honest with ourselves.  What other guidance can you offer here?

I also invite people to reflect on what they gravitate towards. That offers many clues to who you are and what brings you purpose.  

So true! We each give ourselves little messages about changing purpose but we do not always choose to listen...

Where do the Soul and soulful living come into this? How does soul healing affect relationships? 

When your external circumstances fall apart, you are invited to align more with your soul. When you become more aligned with your soul, you can live your life more fully.  Mos
t of us live the life we think we want without making any connection to what our soul desires. 

So, if I get what you are saying, waking up leads us to ask more conscious questions.  

Yes. We see more clearly and hear what we may have already been saying but we were not ready to hear it until now.

Being present is so important. What are the most significant relationship lessons you have learned?

I give myself permission to ask: what does my soul want? I think the biggest lesson that I’ve learned is that when relationships fall apart, you invite yourself to go within. Your greatest soul realization and discoveries are waiting for you when your heart breaks. 

That moment when we allow ourselves to feel the pain of a broken heart is also the moment we let light in, that is, hear and consciously feel the light of our own innate understanding. Its like a wake up call that we exist to love and feel.

Thsi said, many people feel discouraged about their relationships or lack of them. Please share some advice with our readers to guide positive life change. 

Without question, the most important thing you can do for your relationship is improve the relationship you have with yourself.  Only then, can you make headway when actively working on relationships with others.

Please be more specific...

 Improving the relationship you have with yourself requires self-acceptance, self-compassion and improving your own self-worth. I believe that if you improve this relationship then all other relationships around you will improve. I truly believe that the relationship you have with yourself is the one that’s going to manifest around you. The way you treat yourself is likely how you will treat others. Improve the way you treat yourself and I promise that you will treat others better and be in relationship with someone who treats you better.

Thanks for drawing attention to the mirror principle. The external reality we each experience is indeed a mirror of the inner not vice versa. Growing conscious of this makes it less likely to be affected by external conditions. It also implies we are ready to take increasing personal responsibility for how we think and feel. Is that not so?

Agree very much.

You have written books on relationships. Which tips or techniques make a relationship last?  Which strategies or views can you suggest to help people pinpoint what really matters in their partnerships? 

I believe that the skill that makes a relationship last is how you create the relationship you have with yourself. We tend to treat others the same way we treat ourselves. So if you want to improve your relationship with others, watch how you’re talking to, treating and feeling about yourself. The way you treat and speak about yourself is what you’re likely doing to others. A couple ways to make relationships last is to speak more to each other about what you both want from the relationship and work on forgiving each other more quickly. I’ve discovered that we tend to imagine what we want without expressing out loud to each other! Also, grudges and resentments never lead to a healthy relationship so the sooner you speak about it, forgive it and come to terms with something, the stronger you can make your relationship.


If you had to identify the role of faith  and trust in your life, what role do each play? 

When I went through my divorce, I stopped believing in God and inquired if God was listening. I even wrote a book about it, Is God Listening? https://www.vishnusvirtues.com/books/is-god-listening/  My understanding about God, the universe and forces beyond is that we aren’t listening.

We aren’t trusting what we’re hearing from God, the universe or ourselves.

And if we sense God, the universe, ourselves, are all one in the same, and we ignore one, we do not hear any and do not feel heard either. Its all a  pointer to what or whom is not listening?

Definitely. If things are not working, we must ask the question, 'not working for whom or according to whom?' (which brings us face to face with beliefs and conditioning). 

Would you say then that unhappiness suggests we are not listening to the part of ourselves that knows what is best for us?

You could put it that way. I know I learn to trust myself more and realize the forces outside of us have their own intelligence. I stop making demands on it to make my life a certain way. I trust that the universe knows what’s best. I do my part but surrender to the universe to do it’s part.

Absolutely! Letting go and surrender are valuable lessons. 

In addition, if you’re looking for a partner, take action to find a partner and trust you’ll find one but don’t push or control the universe to do it faster or force it to produce someone who isn’t right for you. Trust that the universe knows best.  

Love yourself like you wish to be treated is a great take away. Setting an example is attracting what is best.

What do you value highly or believe in with all your heart? How does this energy or life force help make things happen?

I know that the universe is working on my behalf to help me discover who I am and help me live in alignment with it. I believe that we have to force things to happen less and let life guide us more. As smart as we think we are, the universe knows best. I’ve stopped making wishes for my birthday of things that I want and instead ask for guidance and wisdom to trust the universe to lead the way. It’s a cosmic dance and we each need to lead and follow. If we lead and follow, we are tripping the universe up!

People often speak about what they want yet do not seem to have in their lives. What from your experience, causes people to discover the truth behind their relationships and patterns?

I think the biggest lesson that people can take away from relationships is when relationships go wrong.

It also appears helpful to ask who is judging the relationship as good or bad for us in the first place (or which ideas we have adopted in relation to this).

You can get super curious about yourself, your patterns and who you are. The problem is that  many people do not self-reflect and thus do not learn from their mistakes. In fact, most of the time, we think the other person is wrong, blame or we are fault-less. Relationships are our greatest learning experiences but we seldom self-reflect, learn or grow from them as much as we can. You can choose to grow from experiences.

Self-reflect more is another great take away. As the saying goes, 'what we dislike in others is what we have not accepted about ourselves.' Facing our shadow is what we exist to do and love. 

What would you say is your reason for being? Which event (s) caused you to feel this way?

My reason for being is to be a bridge to help people grow from who they are today to become the people they are capable of being. My divorce certainly caused me to feel this way. I broke away from a predestined life and welcomed in a life that was entirely new and unfamiliar. I’ve had plenty of growth and self-awareness in the process. I’ve gained experience and heart wisdom and want to be a catalyst for others who find themselves in the throw of heartbreak realize that their best life is on the other side of a broken heart. 

Tell us about practices or teachings that shape your life-view. 

My biggest lesson about my breakup and divorce is that the past doesn’t have to equal the future. All readings and teachings that have helped me live in the present moment have helped shape my view.

Who are your inspirational mentors? How have they empowered you to shift how your see yourself?

I would consider Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn and Pema Chodron as my teachers who helped me see that this is the only moment we have. As Nancy Levin says, “honor the space between no longer and not yet”. I think this quote really encapsulates that it’s about the journey, not about the destination. There is so much growth, understanding and wisdom to be collected along the way. I am now aware that you do not have to be a prisoner of the past. They remind me that you can’t have spring until you first have winter : ) There’s a place for every season. 

Our audience benefits from this: Universal principles speak when we are ready to hear them.

You write about love, heartbreak, letting love back in and the power of grief and heartbreak. What are some key observations you make about yourself as well as people/ clients you have encountered?

I would say that the key observations I’ve made it we can’t start fresh until we let go of the old. I’ve realized that it takes work, not time, to let go of the past and grieve. We have to actively work on letting go of the past. The one thing that our past is good for is to help us make some observations about ourselves. We have to use past relationships as a learning classroom and discover truths about ourselves. Each relationship helps us become the better version of ourselves so we are continually growing. Don’t think of soulmates when it comes to relationships. Think of relationships as classrooms. We have many teachers. 

Indeed.  When open-minded, everyone and everything is a teacher, as are we for ourselves. As Lao Tzu says, when the student is ready, the teacher appears...  Please share any universal messages that stand out which would help us all in our day-to-day living. 

Our purpose in the world is to become un-ravelled and discover who we truly are beyond everything else.

How do relationships fit into this universal wisdom?

Relationships and breakups help us discover who we are beyond it all. Use your rock bottom moments in life to get a deeper understanding about yourself. When your external world crumbles, you have an invitation to go within and see what needs improvement, healing or awareness. Use the lessons of life to help you discover who you are spiritually.

Remember, there is nothing to fear about change. Change is a teacher. Change happens to let go of what doesn’t serve us and welcome in those things that do. You don’t have to hold onto the present for dear life. There is life after relationships ending, careers ending, and familiar circumstances ending. Every ending has a new beginning.

Share anything else you feel you would like our readers to know.

Thank you for such a comprehensive interview and questions. It was so in-depth and based on the things that I’m exploring.

Where can people find you?

I would invite my readers to follow me on journey at www.vishnusvirtues.com and to pick up my new book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go, on sale at the Amazon store.

Really appreciate that you focus on encouraging people to recognize the messages of love in their lives.  For Vishnu's latest Amazon book, The Sacred Art of Letting Go, visit his Amazon store here. Here are some links to offer more information:

Saturday
Sep152018

How Writing Helped Heal My Divorce

Grace Carter is a woman who has found courage and new life direction as the result of facing marital challenges. As she worked through this adversity, she found energy to realize a dream that she refused to give up.  I am pleased to share her guest post here: 

Going through a divorce is one of the most painful things you can do. Trust me, I've been through it. As awful as it is though, it's possible to come through the other side and still be happy. Here's how I rediscovered writing, and how it's helped me survive and rebuild my life after my divorce.

Rediscovering old hobbies

When I was married, it was hard to find time for the hobbies that used to make me happy. I was an adult, and I had other obligations, such as childcare, and keeping the house while my husband was at work. I spent time with my husband, which was great at first. Hobbies had to take the back burner for now.

When I was married, I would try and take up writing as I had done when I was a teenager. My husband was never supportive though, seeing it as a waste of time. In the end, I hung up my pen for good.

When we separated, though, I rediscovered writing. At first, it was at the suggestion of a friend that I keep my thoughts in a journal. It was cathartic to lay all my thoughts bare in a book where no one else would see them. However, writing started taking over my life.

Writing as a career

When I was married, I was the homemaker while my husband worked. Now I was on my own though, I needed to make ends meet. I wondered if I could write for a living. What with the internet, there had to be a way, right?

After some searching, I came across various freelancing sites like UpWork, Essayroo and Boomessays. I did a little work at first, feeling my way around and working out what I was doing. Soon though, I had a decent sized client base and work coming my way every day.

This was brilliant for me. I could work from home, as all I needed was a laptop and an internet connection. As a busy mother, I could still take care of my children while I was making money. As well as this, I was using my long buried hobby to actually make money. I felt free for the first time since before I'd been married. I was providing for myself, and it felt amazing.

Moving on

After a while, I thought about branching out as a writer. I thought, 'Why don't I write the book I've always wanted to write?' I started writing a novel and soon it took over everything. The book wanted to be written, and I spent every spare moment I had with it.

Writing the book was amazing, but I did run into one problem while I was tapping away. As I wrote, I drew inspiration from all the other books I'd loved as a teenager. When I was finished, I published my book as an ebook. It felt great until I had an email from a lawyer, warning me that my book had plagiarised parts of one of my favourite novels.

It turns out that I'd veered too close to plagiarism by using that book as inspiration. I could have avoided this by using a plagiarism detection tool like Ukwritings, or a citation resource such as AustralianHelp.

Apart from that small hiccup though, writing really helped me survive my divorce. I found out who I was again, and was able to provide for myself. There was no better feeling than being able to do that. I strongly recommend you try writing yourself, even if it's just in a private journal.

Author bio:

Grace Carter is an editor at Big Assignments and EliteAssignmentHelp, writing websites. She works with team of writers and is involved in communications department.  Also, Grace tutors at Academized academic service.  She can be reached here:

Twitter: twitter.com/GraceCarterMe

 

 

 

Tuesday
Sep042018

Mid-life crisis or priceless gift?

As Taylor Swift echoes in her song Blank Space, crisis can be a perfect storm or a turning point. You may observe what appears to be 'out-of-character' behaviour in people around you in their twenties, thirties, forties, fifties or older.  You may feel an unshakable restlessness and have urges to act out your Wildest Dreams; take up a unique hobby, travel or move house based on a hunch, detox, radically change diet or the identity you present to others.  You may wonder what the blazes is going on? Other than turning to pop culture to get a handle on it, keep this in mind;

1. Reflect on emotions

About every 20 years of human life, emotions that are not healed and released from early trauma surface and take shape as adversity or challenges that cannot be ignored. It may be a health issue, family drama, relationship break-up, career setback or hiatus. You may not connect outside events with inner turmoil. Its common to dwell on the negative or work to 'tackle' the problem rather that see an opportunity to heal and feel the way into a less stressful phase of life.

2. Reframe the perceived 'mid-life crisis'

At some stage, you may grow aware of deep dissatisfaction. It may seem to relate to aging, being bored with a longstanding relationship or marriage, a feeling you are 'losing your touch' or edge, feeling disconnected, like you have accomplished what you have set out to do with kids, family, career or other things and fear what's next. Restlessness or disappointment may prompt you to seek external sources of pleasure, such as; fast cars, boats, exotic vacations, technology, drugs, younger partners or behaviours that push the envelope of what you once saw as rational, safe or acceptable.  This can happen at any age, but it is usually when people have money to do what they used to think they could not afford. Such behaviour shifts focus away from suffering. Ask is new behaviour going to last? Do you love feeling breathless? Is this a game? Or, is it time to accept lasting happiness is unrelated to the external?

3. Uncover the gift

What if as Inspirational Mentors  Allan and Barbara Pease echo, different ways exist to access your answer? What if every life choice you make is a turning point where you decide how and what to feel, imagine and create? What if you act more consciously to align choices with your core values? What if seeing yourself and the world differently could guide you to optimum living? What if you could engage in business for good, create impact, connection and joy by joining initiatives like Paul Dunn's B1G1?  What if you could begin right now, to shift gears, lifestyle, priorities, behaviours and goals of all sorts? What if being only solutions-oriented is missing something? What if rather than simply be inspired by James Bond or famous people you'd invite to dinner, you guide yourself to get Out of the Woods to organize visions, make them measurable and ground them differently?  Knowing this, if you feel drawn to a mentor, would you reach out?

How you present yourself to the world is a gift and the process of growing more authentic is also a gift. As Sia says, in her new song Nothing to Say- We have things to do and plans to make.  

Whether its getting a tattoo or body piercing, going on a pilgrimage, engaging in a thrill-seeking activity, shifting the nature or orientation of your business, whatever empowers you is on the path to listen to the heart. Watch what happens as you act on what enables you to feel more energized and shape your life around it.  This is congruence. This is creating a life of breakthroughs.  Remember what it is to be unstoppable in every area of your life.

Henry David Thorough reminds us, we are each "constantly invited to be who we are." What this feels like on the outside can be congruent with feeling harmony on the inside.  Brian Tracy echoes its up to you to tap into strength and resilience. When you are ready,  what you exist to be and do and be is beckoning. Make the most of who you are and what you know.  You are a gift to this world and yourself.  Take responsibility for your creation.  Go forward with enthusiasm.