The essence of being

I recall someone encouraging me to take the stairs if elevators to success seemed out of order.  Now, why is humans are conditioned to desire quick access to those things that seem beyond our reach? What is it that makes us feel we need what we do not seem to have?

As we let go of conditioning and shift to a place of non-judgment, priorities mysteriously change. The same things no longer hold appeal.  What does it feel like to let go of what you think you want? Refreshing? A relief? Open the mind and catch a glimpse of true essence.

One view of success is what the ego views as achievement. It appears out of reach so we think we must do something to get fulfilled. If your goal is a half hour of meditation twice per day, and you complete this, the related good feelings evoke a sense of satisfaction. If you aim to develop greater physical flexibility in yoga positions or, mental aptitude in negotiation, success is still 'results-oriented.' Notice what happens as you discover immeasurable kinds of success also exist.

Consider a talkative person who is known for having ideas spinning in his head all the time.  He may typically know restless sleep because his mind is busy working out solutions to his problems.  Then, as he learns to settle the ripples down, he may experience stillness. To allow silence into your life is to discover you attract different versions of success into your life.

As you quiet the mind, you let go of judgment and mental noise. Explore what silence feels like. A sense of success arises as an innate feeling of acceptance.  Its like doing nothing and everything at once, and loving unconditionally, come what may.  This is the essence of being.

Brace yourself: Be what is innate.  Love is your true nature.  Its not the conditional feeling that you get through relationships that mind would have you believe it is.

Hungry for self-acceptance

When someone makes you an offer, you have the opportunity to accept or reject the offer. Similarly, if you propose products, services or something about you to other people, then they could embrace or reject you.  If you learn to see rejection as a process of learning how to become more effective or how to become truer to yourself, then you'll be less likely to feel devastated in the case that events don't unfold your way. Its a path to self-acceptance.

Reflect on an experience when you feel rejected.  Your attention may be drawn to things you didn't know about yourself or other people.   How do you benefit? What can you gain?  You may discover a hidden agenda, evidence of untruths, an interplay of thoughts and feelings within yourself, and about the other person who has rejected you.  Getting 'brushed-off' is an invitation to grow and love yourself more just as you are right now.  Do you realize that? 

Consider Colonel Sanders, the brains behind Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC).  Whether or not you like or eat the food from this restaurant is beside the point.  Sanders shouldered over 2000 rejections before he came upon a receptive restaurant for his recipe ideas. It took a lot of determination and thickening of his own skin before he met people willing to buy and market his special recipe.  The rest is history.  Yet, KFC success didn't happen overnight. 

Take notice of how you give and respond to rejection.  Do you shrug off rejection easily and move on or, would you benefit from taking a crash course on grace and maturity? Are you tolerant, loving and accepting of others, or are you apt to humiliate them and wound their pride? Whatever approach you take reveals to what degree you love and accept true self.

Let's reflect. So, you didn't get offered the promotion or maybe you were dumped by your partner for someone else.  Neither situation is particularly appealing on the surface, but look a bit deeper.  Rather than permit yourself to feel bad about what you didn't get, or view yourself as less than worthy, you can see every situation as doing you a favor.  Look at your new freedom! New opportunities are arising; in personal growth, in other jobs, and more fulfilling relationships. Everything is a stepping stone to something. 

When all is said and done, you benefit from observing your responses to everything that unfolds in your life.   As you evolve to understand why you feel rejected, you come to see a limited perspective can expand.  If you tell yourself you're less than you are, then you reinforce false beliefs that do not serve you.  Everything is a teacher if you see it.

In the end, you can breathe a sigh of relief if you are brushed off.  Step back and see what this allows to arise in your life.  If you didn't have doubt or expectations, then feeling frustrated, demoralized or disappointed wouldn't arise and capture your attention.  Situations only hurt if you allow attachment.  Teach yourself suffering is a state of mind.  Satiate the hunger that does not really exist.  Self-improvement is unnecessary as you love yourself as you are.

The biggest risk ever

You may have taken risks in your time, but I wonder how far you'd be willing to push the envelope? The chances you take often fuel the most memorable stories you'll share later in this life or other lifetimes if you come to recall those. Its no surprise that people often find the effort to take chances and go after what is heart and soul-driven is worth far more than any associated regret or 'what ifs' would offer.

As for me, I've taken many risks. They're the reasons why my life is so exhilarating. The story I choose to share now represents one of the biggest risks I ever took. Another person took it with me.  An excerpt is published in a March 2007 book by Keen Publications called "Grab Your Tiger." Reflecting back, from the moment I recall risk is illusion, a distortion of mind, I see all I do, I do for me. Its the faith we are each invited to reconnect with that reminds us we are always whole.

Not too long ago, I met a man briefly on a bus in Florida while I visited Orlando for a conference. We impulsively shared dinner and conversation. The next day, the man boarded a plane to head back home. You might think our story ended. Well, it didn't. We had hit it off and a distance romance ensued. The experience was anything but ordinary. After all, he truly lived on the other side of the world.

Over the next month and a half, regular e-mails and large phone bills evolved. We even wrote a special electronic book together and he edited my draft of an inspirational book which will soon be published. I wrote him more than 500 letters (card stories inside cards) and posted them to his office (I didn't know his post box). I was told the office girls got a kick out of the stamps? The nature of our vast communications soon prompted him to take the chance of his life. While nearly falling asleep on the phone one night, he blurted out,

"Would you meet me for coffee in Paris?” He knew I planned a spring trip to Europe with my sister.

“That’s a long way to travel from Australia when I only have 3 days in Paris,” I replied, thinking he must've been joking. 

He told me he'd been saving for a new stereo, but the trip of 16, 808km would be his preferred investment. I was flattered, but my ticket and travel dates were unchangeable. I suggested we could meet at another time when we both had more time, but he had never been to Europe and decided his work schedule would allow it about when I was traveling. Why would you say? I told him if he came to Paris, I would gladly give him a scenic tour. After all, I'd lived there and knew the area.

Now, if you don't believe in guardian angels, you might change your mind after this story. A few days after that Paris conversation, I received a curious phone call from an airline. A technical glitch in my booking had caused the airline to cancel my tickets. After I got over my initial shock, I managed to negotiate a return ticket 5 days later that the initial plan. Then, I emailed Australia.

The response I received was, “Italy?”

My reply was, “Need you ask?!”

I suggested some key stops for what was planned as a romantic, 8-day train trip (2500km) through France, Switzerland and Italy. When all was said and done, we planned to meet at the Gare du Nord in Paris on a particular date. That day was definitely something to look forward to, or was it? 

Now, before the big day, the last time I'd been to Gare du Nord, I hadn't recalled four exits on separate floors.  Yet, on arrival, that's what I discovered. Better still, I had been stuck in traffic a half hour in a friend's car in terrible traffic and I had no mobile. Imagine my state of mind upon arriving at the train station 40 minutes late to meet a man who had just travelled 14 hours to meet a woman he'd met in person one evening for dinner and one morning for breakfast? Who was taking the bigger risk? Him scaring friends with his impulsive travel spending or me being so inexcusably late?

This in mind, wouldn't you assume that I would have to negotiate my way through the barrier by way of French policemen because my electronic ticket wasn't working? Wouldn't you assume that I would find no functional pay phone to contact my weary traveller? When I did find a crackly phone, I discovered I'd forgotten the number back at my friend's apartment! If you never believed in Murphy's Law, this day would change your mind on that. Nonetheless, patience and faith saved the day. After all that, he recognized me by the back of my hair and my familiar orange dress.

"I was beginning to wonder if the stereo would've been a better choice, but I'm glad I waited."

"So am I."

"You know, until now I'd never waited 45 min for anyone. Risks can really pay off!"

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2007/9/8/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up.html

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/2/18/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up-2.html

http://blog.dreambuilders.com.au/journal/2008/7/26/the-biggest-risk-ever-follow-up-3.html

This story is the foundation for my first book, Self-Disclosure: Changes from Within. 

Trading places, spaces and identities

Okay, so you're having a hard time understanding someone's behavior or point of view. What are you doing about that? Maybe you ignore the person and hope he or she goes away. You could request clarification, but the person in question may simply repeat what was already said and leave you confused or frustrated. This is an invitation from the universe to gain insight into yourself.

If you wish to better understand someone, you have other options. Imagine you trade places. That's right! Pretend you're the person with whom you disagree. If you were in this person's shoes, how would you feel? What would your motives be for a particular opinion? What do you gain from being inflexible? What does this say about your personality? How do(es) culture, social role, religion, age, gender and life experience influence your perception and attitude?

As you ponder answers, you begin to see new points of view. You begin to see that the anger, fear or resistance are simply layers of illusion to be peeled away. What matters is you open the heart and show compassion. Listen to what someone is really saying. Words and gestures are smokescreens.

What is Balance?

Balance is forever present, yet people often find themselves believing they must chase it. Slow down. Stop even. Watch the mind going in circles. Let go of beliefs that have you side-tracked. What is permanent is an innate state unaffected by worry.

To paraphrase the poet Kalhil Gibran,

Without the energy of Hate, we don't understand the full energy of Love.
Without Sadness we don't understand the full energy of Happiness.
Without Evil we don't understand the full energy of Good.
Without Chaos we don't understand the full energy of Peace.