Stop bullying yourself with Mind

The most effective way to stop your mind from being a bully, to stop tormenting you, from being the source of your suffering, is through disidentifying with it. Simply come to recognize it is not who you are.

The ego mind isn’t you. But, it isn’t your enemy either.  It exists to keep you safe. Whenever ego mind insults, doubts, is unsupportive, this is not echoing low self-worth, belief you are not enough. Ego is simply threatened by something you do. The only way to make peace with ego mind is to realize full potential.  This is rising above or going beyond its limiited sense of reality. Allow true Self to take charge. To see through the tormenter is to be aware beyond this ego mind. It only exists to help you grow out of it.

As long as ego mind is in control, suffering occurs. The ego does not align with true Self. Ego mind is not interested in love, happiness, joy, peace.  Ego is a constant problem-solver to help body and ego survive.  Yet, its survival tactics are not always needed. All the resistance, anxiety, self-doubt, self-condemnation and negativity don’t determine what we can or cannot achieve.  Mind cannot intimidate us without our own consent.

We are taught to mistake ego mind’s desperate attempts to be heard for who we are.  What is the best course? Come to recognize the voice of ego mind and learn to ignore it.  See ego mind as a gift.  Be gentle with yourself.  Re-training the mind to be positive and kind is not the answer. We cannot force ego mind to forget its evolutionary programming. Instead, use ego as a useful tool and move on.

Rather than allow ego to gather momentum, be the witness. View ego as a facade. Distance from its never-ending stream of repetitive, automated, thought patterns. Shift into the voice of our true Self, the naturally supportive, loving and accepting core of who you are.

Redefining true responsibility

Many views exist on responsibility. Some feel taking it is key, others prefer to avoid related discomfort, pain. A part of you would argue taking responsibility is like taking control of life. Yet what is really under our control?

Society distorts things. We are taught being responsible is doing what we are told by our elders (parents, teachers, mentors), and being irresponsible is acting from our perception of individual needs. The mistaken fear often adopted is if we act spontaneously, this will be like avoiding social, family and cultural responsibilities on our shoulders. In fact, this is a huge misunderstanding or way our minds are manipulated away from truth.

In truth, response is possible only if you are spontaneous, act in the moment, now. Response means that your attention, awareness, consciousness, is fully present. Come what may,  respond with your whole being. It is not a question of being in tune with anyone else, some holy scripture, or some imagined personality. It simply means to be in tune with the present moment.

This ability to respond in the here and now, based on feelings at present is responsibility, another term that silently refers to meditation.  This is a forgotten secret. Remembering and putting this into practice changes how you relate to yourself and the world.

3 Revelations about Control

The desire to control is a common unconscious phenomenon. Many people are unaware of their own driving force or what exists beneath it.  Consider three revelations about control:

1. The effort to control arises due to fear.

In other words, control is a defence mechanism.  As you identify the fear, question its validity. Ask yourself, Is it true? If you’re afraid the night will be ruined, question that assumption.

2. Control is a result of being attached to a specific outcome (as if we always know what is best).

As we trust that we’re okay no matter what circumstances unfold, no need arises to micromanage the universe. We let go, open ourselves to all sorts of unforeseen possibilities that are unseen when we’re attached to one “right” path. What can you directly influence? Is your focus here? Or are you in someone else’s business? When we’re trying to control things outside of our own sphere, things fall apart rather than together.

3. The energy of control is less powerful than surrender.

When our vision gets very narrow and focused, our breath goes shallow, adrenaline is pumping and the heart rate increases.  It almost always does. Let that feeling of freedom guide us toward loosening our grip.  The more we want something, the more we are conditioned to hold on. yet letting go results in something beautiful.

Stop postponing the inevitable

Notice as consciousness expands, the moment arises when it feels right to stop postponing what evokes discomfort. Allow yourself to feel deeply and do the things you resist. Show yourself directly that underlying fear is unfounded.

Patience is alert, conscious. Postponement is subconscious resistance, a double-bind: you want to act and yet, you hesitate, tell yourself you not ready. The mind is very clever. You want to meditate, to close a chapter in your life, leave a job, move, but a voice within says, “later, tomorrow, when X happens.” We make time for priorities. Now is the right time. The future is uncertain. If you really want, act. Why not? If you postpone sharing your feelings and affection with people due to fear of rejection, or lack of reciprocity, this lso has consequences.

Is fear reinforced or strengthened by postponing something? When something is pivotal, and your desire is intense, then you will not waste a single moment. You will postpone everything else, but you do that. You postpone only that which is not significant, or, you allow fear control you. One part of mind says, “Yes, it is important.” Another part of mind says, “Yes, it is important, but later.” What is really going on here? How do we give power away? How do we reclaim it?

Consider what you postpone and what you prioritize. How you spend money, mental and physical energy, time, speaks volumes. Spiritual practices are often postponed in favor of that which enriches the body, materialism, appearances. Anger, greed, hatred, negativity tend to flow quickly. Outbursts happen. You may say, “I’m coming!” and yet doddle or not show up at all. Ask where you show up for yourself. When insults come, many people do not say, “Tomorrow I will be angry;” Yet, gestures of self- love or finding peace within are often postponed.

In a nutshell, postponement points to how we are dishonest with ourselves. Watch inside yourself, at what you have been postponing, and you will find that all that is beautiful you have been postponing. Note water flows when it is allowed to flow freely. Seeds will sprout in season, but the seeds must be sown. Otherwise they will not sprout. Which seeds do you hesitate to plant in your own life? Or, what follow-up behaviour is required to blossom into more of your true being?

Let go of will to control

Notice its common to wonder what determines how life unfolds. Yet, its not up to us. Its outside of our control. Feel into any resistance arising to not being in control. Everything that presents results from dynamic forces of equilibrium and natural laws interacting and creating what is seen and unseen. We do not have to know all reasons that needed to happen for everything to be as it is. This has nothing to do with us. Its completely impersonal. Everything is fine until we show up, judge it, attempt to force or manipulate. Energy flows where we are not. We are fine with that. We rarely or never complain about where we are not. Ponder this...

So, life is not about controlling energy. Its about our relationship with the force of creation unfolding outside us. We each inhabit a body and "the world" is outside. Energy is always unfolding, that includes before after time, before our birth and after body is gone.

Many people seek peace. Thing is, right now, we can be in a state of acceptance, awe, respect, honour, experience this moment as fresh and new. Insodoing, we gift ourselves whatever arises. We are the only being standing right here, now. From this view, no problems exist, simply experience we accept (or reject/ resist). For most, their relationship with life and self is not always peaceful. Why is that?

Well, we decide in the mind, develop ideas, of what life should be doing today, tomorrow, and beyond. In truth, we limit possibilities, make it all up, create a vison, goals, dreams we must realize and specific steps to get here. Ego decides what should and should not be, what we like and dislike, what is right and wrong in relation to our own self-created points of reference. A problem is that unfolding realities are not obliged to meet our expectations. Business projections are not always accurate. When what we want to happen, doesn't happen as we want it to and when, that is viewed as a problem. Yet, reality does not behave this way. We make up an alternate version of reality and get upset when the unfolding does not happen as ego wants. This brings suffering. We are the source.

In essence then, Buddha's Nobel Truths are simple. Everybody is suffering because they do not have the right understanding of the way things are, they have expectations for life that reality does not meet. The cause of suffering is desire, preference, our idea of ways things ought to be. We make it up and want things to happen, our way.

As it is, moments exist independently from the rest. Everything is interconnected. To end suffering, end attachment to desire and outcomes, stop being rigid about the way things must be. Come back to simplicity. The way the world is does not have to be the way you want it to be.

A key question to ask is what prompts us to fear things will not be the way we want? It evokes tension. A wise person does not renounce all desires. Yet, why do we insist on imagining an alternate reality instead of savouring the one that exists? Rather than struggle with life or ourselves, go deeper. Everything does not have to be a certain way for us to be loved, lovable, accepted, successful. We are a witness, guest and observer.