10 Tips to heal after loss of a loved one

Its common to find it hard to accept the perceived death of a loved one. We are deeply conditioned to believe in loss and to feel this in the physical body, and reinforce our resistance as suffering in the mind. There is no right or wrong way to respond. There is only a specturm of experience to develop or draw from. Consider 10 tips to heal after loss of a loved one:

1) Meditation and Mindfulness: 

A regular meditation practice helps to quiet the "mind chatter" and observe the true nature of the mind and the ego-centered identity. Mindfulness, or bringing present-moment awareness into daily activities, naturally follows and helps in seeing reality as it is, without the obscuring layer of conceptual thought and beliefs.

2) Self-Inquiry: 

Directly investigate the belief in a separate self by examining it against actual sensory experience. For example, try to find the exact physical location of the "self" in your body. By doing this repeatedly, you may realize the self has no physical location, revealing its conceptual, rather than factual, nature.

3) Observing Thoughts Without Judgment: 

The illusion of separation is reinforced by identifying with our thoughts, emotions, and sensations. By observing these internal experiences without attachment or judgment, you create space to recognize that you are the awareness of them, not the thoughts themselves.

4) Connecting with Others:

Engage in practices that foster a sense of shared humanity. Simple exercises like prolonged, silent eye contact with another person can help break down barriers and create a profound sense of connection and universal love. This helps to dismantle illusion of separation so you realize love knows no true bounds except in the mind.

5)  Reframe Language: 

Instead of using labeling statements like "I am sad," try rephrasing them as "sadness is arising" or "tiredness is present". This subtle shift in language helps decouple your core identity from fleeting emotions and sensations.

6) Embrace Vulnerability: 

Allow yourself to be "permeable" by letting things in and acknowledging your desire for connection. Being vulnerable helps join your "inside and outside worlds," moving away from the fear that fuels separation.

7) Challenge Your Beliefs: 

Actively question and re-evaluate your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world. Ask yourself if these thoughts are producing the results you want in life and if they are truly fact-based or simply habitual patterns.

8) Focus on Contentment Over Happiness: 

Strive for a baseline of contentment (Santosha in Sanskrit) rather than chasing fleeting happiness. Contentment fosters inner peace and stability, making you less susceptible to the ups and downs that reinforce the ego's narrative.

9) Spend Time in Nature: 

Connecting with the natural world can help remind you of the interconnected, fluid, and dynamic way everything in nature works together. This experience serves as a powerful counterbalance to the individualistic thinking prevalent in modern culture.

10) Seek Non-Dual Teachings: 

Listening to various non-dual teachers can be helpful to ground you, but nothing replaces your own direct investigation and personal experience. 

10 Tips to Transform your Relationship

People approach me to address discomfort  and restlessness they experience in their relationships. You may experience a partner or child who is angry, stand-offish and feel alienated for varied reasons. This can be the start of a deep dive into many issues that currently baffle you. Reaching out for mentor support can be helpful.

Wherever you are at, there exist things you can do yourself to begin to get yourself on track. Heed 10 tips to transform from inside out: 

1. Create the vision for your relationship and yout life

 2. Recall or relearn to truly love yourself.

3. Be open to what could change your perspective.

4. Find courage to uncover self-created obstacles and blind spots.

5. Grow awareness and explore causes of behaviour patterns.

6. Learn to create emotional safety for yourself (then others).

7. Become your own source of enouragement.

8. Discover what your emotional needs are and how to meet them.

9. Accept you are the cause of how you see things and can turn this around.

10. Tke full responsibility for your thoughts, words and feelings. 

Drop into Kundalini meditation

The Kundalini Meditation is a dynamic form of meditation created by the famous Indian spiritual master Osho. He developed a series of meditations that involve music and movement, especially for the modern world in which we live where many people have difficulties to sit still and reach the depths of meditation. The Kundalini meditation is a 60 minutes practice with four different stages of 15 minutes each, accompanied by music which was originally composed for this meditation. The stages are shaking, dancing, standing or sitting in stillness and relaxing.  You can adjust it based on your body and individual situation.

The four stages of the Kundalini Meditation

First Stage – Shaking

In this first stage you stand and shake your body for 15 minutes. Why is shaking so beneficial? Animals shake their bodies as a natural response to release any stress from their bodies. Have you ever seen ducks fighting on a lake? They fight and quack loudly, but after a while they swim in opposite directions, shake their feathers and move on. We as humans tend to hold on to stress and this can cause physical, energetic or emotional blocks. When we learn again to shake, this can free up stuck energy and feel like a big relief! You let your body shake and become loose again. In Osho’s words anything that has become frozen or hard can be fluid again. Shaking for an extended time can really feel exhilarating as soon as you allow the shaking to happen naturally and feel energy moving within your body. It trains you to be more in your body and less up in your head.

Stage 2 – Dancing

The second stage is to dance just the way you like to move. Let yourself be inspired by the upbeat music and allow self-expression through movement. You don’t have to worry what other people may think. It is your own journey of feeling the body, the energy and celebrating it with a dance. You can keep your eyes open or closed during this stage.

Stage 3 – Standing or Sitting

In this stage you have the choice to either stand or sit down. From movement you come back to stillness. Your eyes will be closed and you are simply listening and observing – listening to the music and observing whatever is present on the outside and the inside. Practice being your own witness without getting too involved in your sensations, thoughts or emotions.

Stage 4 – Relaxation

In this last stage you lie down on the floor like with eyes closed and the body in stillness. The fourth stage is without music and is an integration phase where you rest and relax.

The benefits of active meditations

Usually we thing that meditation is sitting down in stillness only, but you can also come to a meditative state with movement practices. Osho emphasized that it is not enough to work with our minds only, but we need to include the body in our practices, to come back to our hearts and feel the energy at our very core. In our modern world we are so used to think, plan, structure, rationalize and accumulate knowledge, so most people find it difficult to meditate in the traditional manner, which is to experience inner silence by sitting in stillness on a meditation cushion. When you start a traditional meditation practice, you probably feel that your mind is getting noisier and the chatter in the head gets even louder when you try to find inner calmness and peace. The body might feel restless and you might experience some sort of discomfort when you sit for an extended time.

The Osho active meditations start with at least one phase of activity. This allows you to loosen up your body and free the mind. Afterwards, it will be much easier to move naturally from tension or stress into a deep state of stillness and relaxation. The Kundalini meditation allows you to reconnect to yourself and to come back to the here and now.

Any activity can become a meditation when we allow to be fully present in the moment. When you ask dedicated surfers or runners, they will tell you that their sport feels like meditation and they find a deep sense of fulfillment from it.

What is the Kundalini?

Kundalini is a primordial, creative energy that is mostly dormant within us. In ancient texts this energy is depicted as a coiled-up snake and upon awakening, the energy can move up along the spine. There is no one-size-fits-all method for awakening the Kundalini and its unfolding is very individual in divine timing. With certain practices like this Kundalini meditation or Kundalini Yoga we can awaken this creative energy within us. For some it might happen gradually, for others it can be a transformational, life changing experience. For sure, practices to awaken the Kundalini should not be taken lightly and they are recommended to do with the guidance of an experienced teacher.

After the Kundalini meditation you feel may more alive, get tingling sensations in your limbs or feel that more energy is moving inside your body. Universal energy can flow uninhibited when we free ourselves from blocks and conditioning that limit the access and flow of life force. When energy is flowing, we will then be able to fulfill our true potential and live a more authentic and meaningful life.

3 Steps to transform your life

Many people ask what they can do to change their unfulfilling conditions and by extension, alleviate anxiety and intense emotion.  Getting the most out of coaching or mentoring relates to exploring key attitudes or beliefs. Consider 3 questions to get to the root of the matter and consciously transform your life:

Question 1: What do you really want right now?

While each person sees things in unique ways, a satisfying life is commonly based on three things:

• Transforming dreams into reality (getting measurable "results")
• Finding joy in what arises; harnessing power to understand, appreciate existence at the deepest level
• Realizing life is happening through us and for us rather than to us. (taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings as well as our power to change them, change how we respond to the external)

Question 2: What prevents you from having/ getting what you want?

Only three things prevent you from having anything you want:

• You lack clarity about what it is you really want
• You are missing/ unaware of the proven tools and strategies
• Your resistance stands in in the way of allowing  (inner conflicts exist- energy is out of alignment)

The biggest problem for most people is looking for ways to solve their problems instead of focusing on creating the life they want – a life of their own design. For coahing and mentoring to guide you effectively to a new way of being, start with what you want instead of thinking about what you don’t want. (Focus on outcomes)

Question 3: How do you change life in this moment?

An integrated approach can take your journey to the next level so you live the best version of yourself.  This implies you

• come to recognize your own patterns (make the unconccious conscious)
• are willing to take steps to make new choices (step outside the familliar/ break patterns),
• accept a different life is possible for you. 

Dream Analysis of the Week- Cancer & Relief

Dream:

In the dream, my mother had cancer in her lower body and doctors said it was spreading. She was mostly confined to bed and accepted medication. I wanted to know how to heal her disease.  She was disinterested.

Insight:

On a basic level, we cannot control or change others, only how we respond to them.The point of view (beliefs) of the experiencer strongly influences the outcome.   

The scientist would describe an ailment based on his language, conditioning and understanding.  A shaman might tune into deep hurt, longstanding resentment, a deep secret or grief eating away at the self of the client. Those who tune into energy sense cancer emits a vibration that reflects the experiencer holds hatreds or grudges. If disheartened, the experiencer may say, “What’s the use?”

Many people limit sense of things to the physical bosy, that which appears to be born and assumes it will die. This view alone underestimates the power of the mind.  Humans are always affected by the energy of their attitudes.  Someone who has a superiority complex or who is aggressive and violent, is on a downward spiral.  They are weakened in their heart, mind and solar plexus where emotional attitudes are held.  In the Andes, people often attribute an aching stomach to have been caused by sorrow.

People who harbour hatred inevitably experience conflicts with relationships, and imbalances in material world.  All this reflects degeneration on a cellular level.  Evaluating energy centres of the dreamer is often advisable.

The dreamer would be wise to reflect on energy levels, whether there exists a craving for affection or a fear of certain kinds of treatment or environments. What makes you feel excluded or ignored?

We offer Dream Consultations on single or multiple dreams as part of individual sessions or psychotherapy.  We also offer an Astral, Lucid and Dream Yoga Course.