10 Tips to heal after loss of a loved one

Its common to find it hard to accept the perceived death of a loved one. We are deeply conditioned to believe in loss and to feel this in the physical body, and reinforce our resistance as suffering in the mind. There is no right or wrong way to respond. There is only a specturm of experience to develop or draw from. Consider 10 tips to heal after loss of a loved one:

1) Meditation and Mindfulness: 

A regular meditation practice helps to quiet the "mind chatter" and observe the true nature of the mind and the ego-centered identity. Mindfulness, or bringing present-moment awareness into daily activities, naturally follows and helps in seeing reality as it is, without the obscuring layer of conceptual thought and beliefs.

2) Self-Inquiry: 

Directly investigate the belief in a separate self by examining it against actual sensory experience. For example, try to find the exact physical location of the "self" in your body. By doing this repeatedly, you may realize the self has no physical location, revealing its conceptual, rather than factual, nature.

3) Observing Thoughts Without Judgment: 

The illusion of separation is reinforced by identifying with our thoughts, emotions, and sensations. By observing these internal experiences without attachment or judgment, you create space to recognize that you are the awareness of them, not the thoughts themselves.

4) Connecting with Others:

Engage in practices that foster a sense of shared humanity. Simple exercises like prolonged, silent eye contact with another person can help break down barriers and create a profound sense of connection and universal love. This helps to dismantle illusion of separation so you realize love knows no true bounds except in the mind.

5)  Reframe Language: 

Instead of using labeling statements like "I am sad," try rephrasing them as "sadness is arising" or "tiredness is present". This subtle shift in language helps decouple your core identity from fleeting emotions and sensations.

6) Embrace Vulnerability: 

Allow yourself to be "permeable" by letting things in and acknowledging your desire for connection. Being vulnerable helps join your "inside and outside worlds," moving away from the fear that fuels separation.

7) Challenge Your Beliefs: 

Actively question and re-evaluate your thoughts and beliefs about yourself and the world. Ask yourself if these thoughts are producing the results you want in life and if they are truly fact-based or simply habitual patterns.

8) Focus on Contentment Over Happiness: 

Strive for a baseline of contentment (Santosha in Sanskrit) rather than chasing fleeting happiness. Contentment fosters inner peace and stability, making you less susceptible to the ups and downs that reinforce the ego's narrative.

9) Spend Time in Nature: 

Connecting with the natural world can help remind you of the interconnected, fluid, and dynamic way everything in nature works together. This experience serves as a powerful counterbalance to the individualistic thinking prevalent in modern culture.

10) Seek Non-Dual Teachings: 

Listening to various non-dual teachers can be helpful to ground you, but nothing replaces your own direct investigation and personal experience. 

3 Steps to transform your life

Many people ask what they can do to change their unfulfilling conditions and by extension, alleviate anxiety and intense emotion.  Getting the most out of coaching or mentoring relates to exploring key attitudes or beliefs. Consider 3 questions to get to the root of the matter and consciously transform your life:

Question 1: What do you really want right now?

While each person sees things in unique ways, a satisfying life is commonly based on three things:

• Transforming dreams into reality (getting measurable "results")
• Finding joy in what arises; harnessing power to understand, appreciate existence at the deepest level
• Realizing life is happening through us and for us rather than to us. (taking responsibility for our thoughts, feelings as well as our power to change them, change how we respond to the external)

Question 2: What prevents you from having/ getting what you want?

Only three things prevent you from having anything you want:

• You lack clarity about what it is you really want
• You are missing/ unaware of the proven tools and strategies
• Your resistance stands in in the way of allowing  (inner conflicts exist- energy is out of alignment)

The biggest problem for most people is looking for ways to solve their problems instead of focusing on creating the life they want – a life of their own design. For coahing and mentoring to guide you effectively to a new way of being, start with what you want instead of thinking about what you don’t want. (Focus on outcomes)

Question 3: How do you change life in this moment?

An integrated approach can take your journey to the next level so you live the best version of yourself.  This implies you

• come to recognize your own patterns (make the unconccious conscious)
• are willing to take steps to make new choices (step outside the familliar/ break patterns),
• accept a different life is possible for you. 

Breathe the way to clarity

Notice many spiritual traditions echo we are multidimensional humans. We exist simultaneously on several planes and in several bodies which range from the familliar. physical body, to the astral body of dreams, to higher energy bodies that access realms and states of consciousness beyond our wildest dreams. Questioning our assumptions and being open to alternative possibilities increases our flexibility of consciousness, that is, changes how we receive, decode, and transmit energy. Each of our bodies has its own set of abilities and limitations. When ready, opportunities present that guide us to develop innate abilities. Imagine intentionally inviting your consciousness to leave your body to expand experiences, and breathing your way to clarity. Many options for expansion exist.

Step outside that comfort zone

Notice as we move into an age of accepting multidimensional nature, we shift away from doing to to focus on being. Its natural to move though multiple careers, to blaze trails, create multiple pathways, nourish many perspectives. Having an open mind accelerates conscious expansion. Allow different views to flow, learn languages, travel and explore. As we venture into the unknown, see beyond the status quo, we plant seeds, inspire others to expand horizons.

This notion of time invites us to zoom out and see the arc of time, to discover that a true rainbow is actually a circle. We are invited to expand our sense of wonder, explore states, forms and formelss states more consciously. Different understandings of time suggest humans have lived far longer than the current average lifespan. Records of ancient Summarian kings attest to them living thousands of years. In the Bible, Mathesula is said to have lived over 900 years. We even hear stories of immortals who exist in remote places and different ways of functioning through space time. Limited beliefs of life and death can shift into awareness of eternal streams of consciousness.

Shift focus and vibration

Notice what it feels like to accept this moment exactly as it is. It enriches awareness to see the impact of one's own split mind. Polarities co-exist and both require addressing. We cannot take credit for only the positive perceptions without also being responsible for the negative. Many egos and superegos co-exist with conflicting drives to act out tension, intention and attitudes. Delusion and fantasy feed a common urge to get rid of ego when neither ego/ supergo exist. Like: if "I" could only do this without feeling bad, it would be okay. False beliefs and restlessness persist when a robotic system is in charge. This drives one split self into many inner conflicts and postpones inner peace.

To the ego, what it wants is unattainable, yet it continues striving. Its real self that doesn't want any of that, is also unattainable. A depersonalisation process is the only way to be real. Ego must die for real self to emerge from behind the screen of projections. They take up space and most of our attention. Real self is empty background. The ego believes it is a real self in a real world and that time is real. Layers of illusion may have one feeling trapped.

To get beyond the Matrix (trap), the unreality of the ego belief system has to be completely dissolved. Only then can the vast emptiness be realized. Its not simply emptiness, but intelligence without narrative or preconceived ideas, without a context, paradigm, that shapes one's way of being. One must detach, distance self from everything until one knows one is nothing but pure presence. Only then can one fully engage and connect on a whole new level. Only then can unborn intelligence emerge to consciously operate the body without desire, fear, belief in a body or existence of an "external". All of this functions from the intelligence that is producing the illusion. Everything happens perfectly without glitches. Everything that arises in one's scope comes in perfect timing and sequence, to guide the unravelling.

Apparent glitches in the Matrix simply point to residue of samskara that produce a positive self image. One has to bring it into the nothingness so preconceptions no longer superimpose in your life that actually act instead of the real self. Complete reprogramming cannot arise in the mind. As Einstein says “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it."

On an energetic level, emotions play out in the first 3 assemblage points to give ego an identity, and safety valve for its otherwise explosive energies (often xpressed as "I will die or kill"). At the third assemblage point, energy can be harnessed into a more creative direction. Yet, this is only partial sublimation of intense energies. Unused energy is continually produced anf released. The first 3 assemblage points depend on "the other" and are never contented with 'oneself' or 'other.' Those energies must be released in dreams, art or negative actions.

As it is, only soul-level discernment brings recognition of the thinking capacity from a truly different point of awareness. You can think, feel and process reality, but when grounded in the first three assemblage points, you are engaging the imagination and not yet in the symbolic. They produce only emotional charges, reactions, desires, fears to act out, not capacity to sublimate consciousness to the source of the intellect and the ability to think clearly. Shifts in consciousness shift vibrational state of being and sense of reality.